‘I …’ She runs her hands over her face. ‘I went along with what Mark said – that Billy had run away because of the argument. Jake said he was doing it for attention. I let myself believe that. I told myself that he’d got up after the train hit him but was staying away to freak everyone out, to freak me out. And then when the police got involved I made up new stories in my head – Billy was staying with mates, he had amnesia and didn’t know who he was, he’d hitchhiked somewhere.’

‘You saw us, Kira! You saw how distraught and scared we were.’

‘I know. And it tore me apart. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. The only way I could live with it was to tell myself that what had happened was an awful accident but it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t force Billy to come with me. I didn’t push him in front of the train.’

‘So why didn’t you tell anyone? If you really believed that it wasn’t your fault why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t look you in the eye and tell you that he was dead. Not when you were so hopeful. Not when you kept telling everyone that you’d find him.’

‘So you knew he was dead then.’

‘I don’t know.’ She curls into herself and begins to cry again. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Don’t tell Liz that I was fucking Billy.’

That’s what I heard Kira say to Lloyd when I was pushed into the café.

I only remembered when Liz came round and was talking to me about Lloyd. That’s why I dropped my wine glass. It all came rushing back – the conversation I’d overheard and the tattoo on the back of Kira’s neck when she’d taken off her cardigan. I’d seen it before – when I’d interrupted a private moment between her and Jake in the kitchen – but I’d mistaken it for a bruise. Everything suddenly made sense – why Kira had freaked out when Jake had pulled her dressing gown away from her neck, why she wouldn’t sleep with him any more, why she always kept her hair down.

‘Kira, how did Lloyd know you were having sex with Billy?’

‘He saw us, in the park one night. We thought he was going to the pub and he’d tell Liz when he got home. But he didn’t. That was the night he left her.’

‘And when Liz mentioned that he was coming back to see her …’