‘No.’ He shakes his head. ‘I’m staying. We’re a family. No more secrets, Claire. No more.’

Chapter 51

The light bulb above our head flickers and buzzes as Mark, Jake and I continue to talk. It is dark outside, a sliver of black beneath the garage door where just an hour ago there was daylight.

‘Where’s the knife now?’ Mark asks.

‘In a tote bag, underneath the passenger seat in my car.’

‘What are you going to do with it?’ Jake asks.

None of us has moved in over an hour and a half. Mark and I are still sitting side by side on the weights bench. Jake is sitting on the floor. The laptop separates us. ‘If you want to take it to the police I’ll understand. You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.’

Jake looks deflated, as though every last drop of anger has been wrung out of him. Mark looks old. Tired and old. He hasn’t raised his voice once since Jake started crying. It is as though his son’s tears have disarmed him.

And me? I feel calmer than I have in a long time. Calm and empty. I’ve got answers but they aren’t the ones I was hoping for. I thought they’d lead me to Billy but he’s still as far away as he’s ever been.

‘What do you want to do?’ Mark asks and I shake my head.

‘I don’t know. If this Graham person presses charges against Jake then we need to keep the knife, the laptop and the messages on Jake’s phone. He’ll need them to form his defence.’

‘But the knife’s probably got my blood on it too,’ Jake says. ‘My hands were pretty fucked up when I got home.’

‘But I would have noticed if you’d hurt them …’ I say and then stop. When I got home he was wearing a jumper that covered his hands and then he’d tucked them under his armpits when I went into his room. And then he’d punched the wall. Did he deliberately do that so I wouldn’t question his torn knuckles or was he genuinely upset about Billy?

‘I’m sorry, Mum,’ he says again. ‘I’m so, so sorry.’

Mark runs a hand over his jaw. His stubble makes a scritch-scritch-scritch sound against his palm. ‘It’s still a weapon. It could look like intent to kill.

‘The chances are he won’t press charges,’ Mark continues. ‘It’s been, what, a few days since it happened? He knows Jake has copies of the emails and messages. It would be a hell of a risk on his part.’