‘Anyway –’ he shakes his head as though trying to clear it – ‘I’m sorry we argued. I was stressed and I took it out on you. I thought the appeal would result in some new information and then Jake—’ He stops abruptly. ‘Let’s not go there again.’

‘No.’

‘I’m glad you came home early,’ I add as Mark takes my hand and eases me up off the floor.

As he leads me towards the doorway I glance back at the sketchpads on the floor. ‘Mark? You haven’t seen the photo album, have you? The grey one with the pictures of Billy and Jake at school?’

‘Nope.’ He gives my hand a small tug. ‘It’ll turn up. Nothing’s lost for ever.’

Chapter 21

I can’t watch a TV programme all the way through any more. I can’t sit still for that long. I need to do something instead – tidying, cleaning, chatting or surfing the Internet. I don’t know if it’s because motherhood and sleep deprivation have wrecked my concentration span or because I’ve forgotten how to relax. I miss being able to turn off my brain and lose myself in a film or TV drama. We used to watch The X Factor or I’m a Celebrity as a family when the boys were younger. We’d sit on the sofa, Mark and I bookmarked on the ends with the kids squashed between us in the middle. We’d order pizza, drink thick, sticky Coke and pass comments on the acts or the celebrities. Mark and I would exchange looks at some of Ant and Dec’s more risqué jokes and then burst out laughing, prompting confused stares from the kids and a chorus of, ‘What? What’s so funny?’ I’d give anything to turn back time and do that again. Anything at all.

Mark went upstairs to do some work half an hour ago and Jake and Kira disappeared into their room after tea so it’s just me sitting in front of the TV, half-watching a programme about adoption, half-reading the magazine on my lap. I can’t stop thinking about the art pad I found in Billy’s room earlier with DStroy scrawled over every page. DS Forbes still hasn’t got back to me about the disused sorting office although I’m no longer convinced that’s where Billy is. And I can’t go driving around Gloucester Road knocking on the doors of squats. That just leaves the last place on Billy’s list – Avonmouth. There’s a pub near the river, the Lamplighters. I could suggest to Mark that we go for a walk along the riverbank and then grab a pint.