“I can’t do that. I agreed to the terms, I know that. But it’s different for me now. I want it all. The good stuff and the bad stuff.” Ruby ran her fingers through her hair, tossing it to one side, and her voice quivered as she continued talking. “If you don’t want that too, then it has to end now.” Her bottom lip trembled, but her shoulders were stiff and braced and I knew she’d made up her mind.

I nodded. I was numb.

I told her that I wished it didn’t have to be this way.

She said she had to be honest with me and with herself.

The words sounded like a script. I let them wash over me.

She opened the car door. I looked at her. There was one last plea not to do this in my eyes and she hesitated. For a second, I thought she might change her mind. But then she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and smiled sadly.

“See, the thing about the falling in love montage,” she said, her voice hoarse, “is that when it’s over, the characters have fallen in love.”

28.

Dad and Beth were cuddled up on the sofa when I finally arrived at the flat. They were watching some American late-night talk show. The boxes were everywhere. I was really sick of seeing boxes everywhere.

“I was just about to call the police, missy,” Dad said.

I grunted and went into the kitchen for some water. There were no glasses. The glasses were in a bloody box somewhere.

“For the love of God, did you unpack anything?” I snapped. I got grim satisfaction from their bemused expressions.

“I’ll have you know I unpacked your duvet and pillows and put sheets on your new bed while you were off gallivanting so you didn’t have to do it when you came home.”

“Class, well, I’m going to bed then. And turn the TV down, would you? The walls are paper thin in this shithole.”

I stomped down the hall like a stroppy teenager, which I was allowed to do because I was a stroppy teenager. I had a year and a bit of legitimate stropping left and I was going to wring out every last drop.

Dad stared after me, but I knew he wouldn’t say anything. I dove under the duvet without changing. Except for wriggling out of my bra because I am not a masochist. That would have been a bitch to sleep in. I wanted to fall asleep. I was exhausted. Moving house and breaking up in one day really takes it out of you.

My brain did not cooperate.

Instead, it decided to replay the argument over and over again until details started to blur. I couldn’t quite remember exactly what Ruby said and what things I really said versus what I wished I’d said.