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Back The Falling in Love Montage Save as PDF
Chapters (45)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. 1.
  4. 2.
  5. 3.
  6. 4.
  7. 5.
  8. 6.
  9. 7.
  10. 8.
  11. 9.
  12. 10.
  13. 11.
  14. 12.
  15. 13.
  16. 14.
  17. 15.
  18. 16.
  19. 17.
  20. 18.
  21. 19.
  22. 20.
  23. 21.
  24. 22.
  25. 23.
  26. 24.
  27. 25.
  28. 26.
  29. 27.
  30. 28.
  31. 29.
  32. 30.
  33. 31.
  34. 32.
  35. 33.
  36. 34.
  37. 35.
  38. 36.
  39. 37.
  40. 38.
  41. Acknowledgments
  42. About the Author
  43. Books by Ciara Smyth
  44. Back Ad
  45. About the Publisher

Why are you looking me up anyway? Can’t get enough of my great chat?

SAOIRSE

I’m watching Love Actually in July. I needed to confess my sins to someone. Have you seen it?

SATAN’S SHRIVELED LEFT NUT

Of course. Everyone’s seen it.

SAOIRSE

I’m sorry but can we talk about how they keep saying the tea girl has big thighs? I mean 1. big thighs are awesome, 2. inaccurate anyway, 3. why would you need to comment on that? Is Hugh Grant supposed to be dead on because he doesn’t mind thighs?

SATAN’S SHRIVELED LEFT NUT

That counted as woke in 2003. We’ve come so far and yet fallen so low at the same time.

SAOIRSE

Depressing.

SATAN’S SHRIVELED LEFT NUT

You haven’t seen the worst of it yet.

SAOIRSE

Oh, you have to be talking about the guy with the signs? What is this dude’s craic? Imagine turning up to your best mate’s house and miming to his wife that you love her on a bunch of handwritten cards. So inappropriate.

SATAN’S SHRIVELED LEFT NUT

Aye, he could have bust out a bit of calligraphy.

SAOIRSE

And she kissed him! Cos he’s not a creep he’s just a sad nice guy, right. Fuck sake.

SATAN’S SHRIVELED LEFT NUT

Have you got to the bit where Emma Thompson cries?

SAOIRSE

No?

SAOIRSE

I just got there.

SATAN’S SHRIVELED LEFT NUT

You cried, didn’t you?

SAOIRSE

No.

SATAN’S SHRIVELED LEFT NUT

Come on.

SAOIRSE

Fine, maybe I welled up a bit.

SATAN’S SHRIVELED LEFT NUT

You bawled your eyes out.

SAOIRSE

Shut up.

14.

6.   Movie night (as seen in To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, Notting Hill).

“Dad, come on.”

“I don’t know. You’re a terrible driver.” He clutched the keys to his chest.

“Why did you get me insured on your car if I wasn’t going to be allowed to drive it?”

“In case of an emergency.”

“This is an emergency. I already bought tickets and the Lamborghini is in the shop.”

“I don’t know if you fully understand the term emergency.”

“I don’t like this any more than you do but needs must.” I wrestled the keys from his death grip and dangled them. “I will not drive into a tree or off the pier. No one will die. It’s going to be fine.”

“I’m not really afraid you’re going to die. We live in a thirty-kilometer-an-hour zone. I’m more worried you’ll rear-end someone and my insurance premium will go through the roof.”

“Your concern is touching,” I grumbled, but he didn’t stop me.

“Don’t forget to put your lights on, it’s dark,” Dad called after me. He really did think I was stupid.