I almost rolled my eyes. It wouldn’t occur to her to elaborate.

“Why, though?”

“Because of you,” she said like it was obvious. “I saw what it did to you, to your family. I practically lived at your house, Saoirse. Remember? Your mum was always good to me. I wanted to do something for people like her.”

I tried to process this. Why would she care so much about me, or my family, when she left me?

“When you truly love someone, it doesn’t go away,” she said, surprising me again by reading my lack of response.

“What it looks like just changes,” I said, and she nodded.

“Don’t you still love me?” she asked.

I let my breath whoosh out of me to give myself time to think.

“Yes,” I said honestly. “But I don’t want to.” Brutal honesty. Hannah didn’t look offended or hurt by it, though.

“I do,” she said. “I don’t want to forget what we had. Ever. In the past, we’re perfectly preserved, best friends, in love forever. I like that.” She looked at the ceiling. “Everything is moving so fast. Before long everyone we know will be scattered across the country, the world even. Our lives will look completely different to what they’ve always been so far.” She put her hand on mine. “I like having something that can’t ever change. It’s already happened.”

Hannah squeezed my hand and stood up to leave. I stood with her and hugged her. I didn’t talk much as Oliver drove me home.

33.

I was woken by a soft rap on my bedroom door. I opened my eyes and adjusted to the new bedroom. My sleeping brain still expected to wake up in the old house. I shuffled upright and told Dad he could come in. I could tell it was him by his knock.

“Hey, love.” He sat himself on the end of my bed, a position that had “serious conversation” connotations. I grunted in response. The last time he had serious-talk vibes, we were moving. I had a right to be suspicious.

“I’m really sorry about yesterday.”

“Which part?”

His eyes darted away for a second. He meant me going to the home instead of him. He didn’t want to talk about our fight, of course, but I knew that when I asked.

“I left my phone down the side of the sofa when I went to bed. I didn’t hear it ring. I feel terrible. I’ve been on the phone to them this morning and told them they shouldn’t call you if they can’t get me.”

“What? Why?”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with that stuff. That’s my job.”

“It wasn’t that bad. And besides, what are they meant to do if someone has to go down there and they can’t get you?”

“Well, no one has to go down there, love.”