She tried to turn the page, but I closed it over. Dad wasn’t the only person who didn’t exactly love poring over old photos. I knew this album by heart. I’d helped make it.

“That’s enough for today.”

29.

For two weeks I didn’t think about Ruby. I didn’t think about Ruby when I got spam email from that karaoke place we never actually went to. I didn’t think about Ruby when I walked past the Ferris wheel or the cove or the pedalos. I didn’t think about Ruby when I ate dinner or washed my hair or clipped my toenails either. I stopped watching stupid romantic comedies, not because the happily ever afters made my heart ache, but because I don’t like romantic comedies. They’re stupid and sexist and perpetuate the idea that we only matter as people if someone is in love with us. I ignored Oliver’s texts, not because I was afraid he would mention Ruby but because he was a pain in my ass and he always had been.

So what did I do if I wasn’t doing those things? I watched a lot of horror movies. I watched people die in a variety of gruesome ways. Impaled on spikes, decapitated and defenestrated, driven to madness by ghosts and changelings and creepy forest demons. Some died slowly, others by surprise. They all soothed my soul. I even helped with the wedding. Yes, hell truly had frozen over, but Beth kept piling on menial tasks for me to do and I wasn’t exactly busy with anything else. It’s not like I was starting to think she was OK or anything.

All right, all right. Shut up.

On exam result day, I woke nauseated and numb. The lavender bridesmaid monstrosity was the only thing in my wardrobe because I hadn’t unpacked yet. I couldn’t bring myself to put everything in the wardrobe if I had to move again in six weeks. That might sound like a long time, but the pain of packing was very fresh in my mind. But I hadn’t put anything in my suitcase either. I picked a pair of jeans and T-shirt out of a box.