In spite of his shame, he still managed to order a tasting menu of different cakes, including whiskey and ginger, Earl Grey and lavender, and strawberry and thyme. We didn’t speak while we waited. I texted back and forth with Ruby, who was spending the day with Jane getting facials. Dad was also glued to his phone. Probably googling to see if he could grow a big enough beard in time for the wedding. When the cakes arrived, it was a different server. I was pretty sure the first guy was afraid of us now.

The cake bites sat between us for a second. Dad put his phone down. Reluctantly I followed suit.

“Do you really it see it that way?” he asked. He didn’t look directly at me.

I shrugged. I waited for him to say that it wasn’t like that. To say something that would make it all better. He didn’t say anything.

I picked up the cake that looked most normal, a sponge with thick, creamy frosting. Dad took the one that looked more like a sticky loaf of bread with something drizzled all over it. We each took a bite.

I watched Dad’s face contort like I was watching my own in a mirror. I snatched a napkin and spat the barely chewed-up bite of cake into it. Dad copied, but he glanced over his shoulder nervously first in case his heroes, the beardy men, were watching.

“Christ alive,” I said. “What did yours taste of?”

“Grass?” Dad said, confused. “Yours?”

“Medicine.” I looked at the little list of what we’d got. “I think I got aniseed and saffron.”

“Do you think they’re all this disgusting?” Dad asked, inspecting the platter with a wary expression.

“Yes.”

We looked at each other. A silent understanding passed between us. His mouth said, “I can’t eat another one of these,” but his eyes said, Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to try all of these cakes without boking your ring up.

“That one,” I said, pushing a gray-looking one with purple flowers on top toward him.

He responded by nudging one with green flecks toward me.

Challenge accepted.

13.

SAOIRSE

Why are you in my phone as “Sex God”?

SEX GOD

Oh yeah. I forgot about that.

SAOIRSE

I’m changing it to something more appropriate.

I added a GIF of a girl rolling her eyes hard.

SATAN’S SHRIVELED LEFT NUT

Actual footage of the ecstatic sex face of my many lovers.

I sent a GIF of a girl looking through a magnifying glass.

SAOIRSE

Actual footage of your date when you take your clothes off.

SATAN’S SHRIVELED LEFT NUT

Both can be true, sweet Saoirse. Lower their expectations then blow their minds.

SAOIRSE

It’s working! I want to blow my mind out right now having this conversation.

SATAN’S SHRIVELED LEFT NUT