She was right. But it wasn’t comforting because it wasn’t the same for me as it was for Ruby. I wasn’t going with the flow and falling in love with a hundred different options. Ruby needed somewhere to funnel her energy and enthusiasm. I didn’t have any. I was lost. I’d spent most of the last few years taking care of Mum or centering my life around visiting her. Before she got really bad, my life was centered around Hannah. Look how that worked out.

Sometimes it occurred to me that I might not end up like Mum, that I could spend decades waiting for the disease to take hold and it never would. I wouldn’t know if I’d wasted half my life until it was too late. Which was worse?

“I know. It’ll be fine. I’m sure when I get my results I’ll know what to do,” I lied, trying to sound breezy. “I’m just glad I escaped school alive. Now I just have to escape Dad and Beth and their constant mauling the face off each other.”

I’d walked in on them playing a game of “how to traumatize your teenager” yesterday when they were supposed to be making a seating chart. Thankfully they’d only got to level one: kissing with slobbering sound effects, but I was still going to have to wash my brain in acid.

“You must miss some things about school? I was so sad on my last day because I knew I wouldn’t get to see my friends as much.”

“Trust me, I’m not going to miss anyone,” I joked. “I stopped talking to my old friends long before school ended. I’m glad to escape them too.”

“Sounds like you have a lot of things you want to run away from,” Ruby said seriously. “What do you mean you stopped talking to your friends?”

Oops. I hadn’t meant to say that. Or rather I hadn’t remembered not to say something like that.

“Oh, nothing. I fell out with some friends a while back. And then I was stuck in school with them for another eight months. Awkward.”

“Why did you fall out?” Ruby said, undeterred by my attempt to make light of it.

An itch at the back of my neck started to bother me.

“It’s stupid. Seriously. Girl drama, that’s all.”

“So tell me,” she said. It felt like a test. I’d already messed up once that night.

“A relationship broke up. Sides were taken. It was all very dramatic.”

“A relationship? Whose?”

“Mine,” I said, my throat feeling tight.

“OK . . . with who?”

“No one.”

Ruby huffed. I could imagine smoke coming out of her nose if I didn’t come forth with a few more details.

“I don’t mean no one. I mean it’s not important anymore. Her name was Hannah.”

“And what? Your friends picked her side?”