“Years?” I repeat weakly. “I… I love her. I love Emma. I’m in love with her. Holy shit. Holy fuck. I didn’t… It’s not…” I chug the rest of my beer and stare into the empty glass, hoping for clarity. “What the hell am I going to do now?” I sound pathetic. Weak. When I bring my head up, I’m expecting to be met with smirks. Instead, I find understanding eyes.

“First thing is admitting you fucked up,” Jack begins.

“Big time,” Neil interjects, adding insult to injury.

“Almost unforgivably,” Patrick says. “It doesn’t matter your intentions. Planned, unplanned. Malicious or not, you still flirted with another woman and your girlfriend watched it happen. You didn’t walk away. You didn’t stop it. You have to recognize why your behavior was wrong.”

Talking this out with them is the first step. Two of the four of these men are in committed and loving relationships. The other two are wonderful human beings who know how to treat women. They are the key to possibly winning Emma back.

If she’ll have me.

“I know I fucked up. At the moment, I didn’t see the big deal. But then I picture how I would feel if I saw Emma in a bar doing the same with a guy she used to fuck and… It would have been a blood bath. I’ve never felt like this before, and knowing I’m the one to hurt her makes me want to burn the world down. And then myself. How do I fix it?”

“You need to talk to her. It sounds cliché, I know. Communication is key, no matter how the relationship is defined. You need to own up to your mistakes, tell her what you realized and what you learned, and your plan going forward in the future to ensure this never, ever happens again. And then prepare to apologize over and over and over.”

Neil sounds like a natural, a seasoned veteran lecturing on partner issues numerous times. It makes me proud. This is a man-to-man conversation, and I’m glad he’s here to talk to me. I’m glad they’re all here to talk to me.

“Oh, God,” I groan again. “I’m not sure I can do that. You’ve seen my track record.”

“You’re not proposing to her. You’re telling her you want her, only her, for as long as she’ll have you. Emma deserves the world, and if you aren’t going to try to give it to her every day, you need to step aside for someone who will.” Noah’s voice has changed back to harsh, sharp words, laced with undertones of protectiveness.

Emma does deserve the world.

Would I be content with being the one to give it to her?

I’d give her anything she asked, even if it kills me and destroys my heart in the process. Including walking away.