‘The freedom to double-book a date – is that what you were missing out on, Rowan?’ He looked annoyed again. And I was annoyed that I wanted to apologise for that. Instead of apologising, I launched an even bigger question. ‘And how long will you be needing that freedom for, exactly?’ His head snapped up and his eyes narrowed. You know that I know. ‘Remind me, is it three months, or is it more open-ended than that?’

I saw his head twitch and I wondered whether he was listening for the crack of ice. He must have decided to step carefully because he answered, ‘We agreed three months.’

‘And yet …’

‘Look, I don’t know what the boys told you—’

‘They told me what you’d already told them, so don’t come down on Ian and Monty like they’re the ones who are out of order here, when you’re the one telling people we’re taking not three months, in fact, but up to six!’ The weight of the reveal had nearly crushed me when the boys told me days before. But after sitting quietly with it – and ignoring Rowan’s calls long enough to help me think – I realised it was less about the change of duration and more about the not-telling-me; more about there being another lie. If anything, I was a little worried that I wasn’t worried enough at the prospect of a longer break – or maybe it was more time with Fred that I wasn’t so worried about. I shook the idea away; another fire, for later and/or with the girls.

‘Edi, I’m so—’

‘Let me guess …’ I held up a finger to stop him. ‘Sorry?’

He sighed. ‘What do you need right now, Edi? Do you need space? Do you need for us to stop doing this?’

Even though I understood what he was offering, I didn’t like his reason for offering it. It didn’t feel like he wanted for the break to be over – only for this conversation about the break to be over. The expression he wore was the same one I’d seen during Saturday food shops and trying-on sessions in New Look. He didn’t care; he’d just had enough. And somehow, in this mess of a situation, he’d been able to make it sound like he was sacrificing something for my benefit: sleeping around; using Tinder; double-booking dates. It didn’t bother me that he was doing everything we agreed to, I realised; what bothered me was how easily he’d taken to it – and worse still, how long he wanted to swim in the shallow waters of pretending to be single. And when he was planning on telling me about it!