‘Oh, triple bollocks!’ At least I resisted the urge to leave a blundering voicemail message. But wait, another thought came to me as I thumbed to my WhatsApp listings, maybe she hasn’t even read the messages yet? There was no way of knowing with Average Joe texting, which made the situation both better and worse all at once; it was now Schrodinger’s monumental cock-up instead. Still, I steeled myself and started to type a message to apologise – on WhatsApp, so everyone involved knew when it had been read – and I was midway through drafting something long-winded and heartfelt when the buzzer for my front door sounded. The noise went through my hungover head like an ice pick to the eye – which was a procedure I thought might actually help me at that moment. I took great care in locking the screen of my phone before I threw myself out of bed and headed for the door.

‘Morning, babes.’ Lily looked bright as a freshly sprung bulb and I hated her for it. The only thing that abated my flicker of jealousy at her obvious lack of a hangover was the fact she’d brought coffee with her. ‘This one is strong and this one is—’ I snatched at the strong one. ‘All righty, then.’ She nudged the door closed. ‘I’m assuming hair of the dog is out of the question?’

I held back a retch. ‘Lil, how are you so fine?’

‘Years of arduous practice. Are you packed?’

‘I’m sorry?’

‘Packed. Like, to go. Cora has work until lunchtime but that’s—’ she checked her watch ‘—only about an hour away now. So, I thought we could grab her on our way out of the city.’

‘Lil, I’ve no idea what you’re talking to me about.’

She laughed, a sincere and schoolgirlish giggle, like I’d really tickled her, and the sound was enough to make me smile, too, despite the ice pick still searing through my forehead. ‘Edi, babes, you really do need to drink more. Well, not drink more, but, you know, get better at handling what you drink.’ She steered me towards the bedroom. ‘Molly was still sad over that pillock when the night was out, so Betty suggested a night away.’

‘And we all agreed?’

‘We all agreed.’ She landed on my bed and sipped from her takeout cup.

‘But we’re going tonight? So soon?’

‘Do you have plans?’

‘No, I guess I don’t. Where are we …’ I petered out when I saw the shake of her head.

‘No idea. Drunk Betty booked it, last-minute Air-wotsit. She’s turned it into a secret mission of sorts. Apparently we’re to set off north, and she’ll send us details along the way, ending in a postcode.’ Lily rolled her eyes. ‘I knew her James Bond kick would ruin us all.’