Back The Best of Simple
Chapters (76)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. Foreword: Who Is Simple?
  5. Feet Live Their Own Life
  6. Landladies
  7. Simple Prays A Prayer
  8. Conversation on the Corner
  9. Simple on Indian Blood
  10. A Toast to Harlem
  11. Simple and His Sins
  12. Temptation
  13. Wooing the Muse
  14. Vacation
  15. Letting off Steam
  16. Jealousy
  17. Banquet in Honor
  18. A Veteran Falls
  19. High Bed
  20. Final Fear
  21. There Ought to be a Law
  22. Income Tax
  23. No Alternative
  24. Springtime
  25. Last Whipping
  26. Seeing Double
  27. Simple on Military Integration
  28. Blue Evening
  29. A Letter from Baltimore
  30. Seven Rings
  31. What Can a Man Say?
  32. Empty Room
  33. Picture for Her Dresser
  34. Cocktail Sip
  35. Apple Strudel
  36. Bop
  37. Formals and Funerals
  38. Fancy Free
  39. Midsummer Madness
  40. Morals Is Her Middle Name
  41. They Come and They Go
  42. A Million—and One
  43. Two Loving Arms
  44. All in the Family
  45. Kick for Punt
  46. Subway to Jamaica
  47. No Tea for the Fever
  48. Boys, Birds, and Bees
  49. On the Warpath
  50. A Hearty Amen
  51. Must Have a Seal
  52. Shadow of the Blues
  53. Once in a Wife-time
  54. Present for Joyce
  55. Christmas Song
  56. Tied in a Bow
  57. Sometimes I Wonder
  58. Four Rings
  59. Simply Love
  60. Bang-up Big End
  61. Duty Is Not Snooty
  62. Bones, Bombs, Chicken Necks
  63. A Dog Named Trilby
  64. Enter Cousin Minnie
  65. Radioactive Red Caps
  66. Two Sides Not Enough
  67. Puerto Ricans
  68. Minnie Again
  69. Vicious Circle
  70. Again Cousin Minnie
  71. Name in Print
  72. Minnie One More Time
  73. An Auto-Obituary
  74. Jazz, Jive, and Jam
  75. About the Author
  76. Newsletter Sign-up

“I thought you told me the man is a widower who owns two houses and is a very solid citizen.”

“That’s the jive Isabel wrote. But Isabel might just be trying to shame me by comparison, because I never owned nothing. All I do know is, I wish the man would hurry up and pay that lawyer so me and Joyce can complete our arrangements. Isabel had no business getting my expectations up like this.

“‘I have got all my trousseau clothes,’ Isabel wrote me, ‘and everything but the decree’—which is where I reckon the man’s money went. Isabel done made him buy her a whole lot of clothes. Then she writ on, ‘If you was any kind of a husband, Jess Semple, you would help me to get this decree. You ought to want a divorce as much as I do. The least you could do is to assist my husband-to-be pay for your wife-that-was to get rid of you.’”

“What did you answer to that?”

“Nothing,” said Simple. “The only answer would be money—and money I do not have. They say silence is golden—which is all the gold she can get out of me. Are you walking toward the corner?”

“Yes.”

“I will keep you company as far as the bar. Maybe a little further. Maybe I will take a walk, too.”

He rose, sighed, stretched, and, as we filed through the crowded block, for no good reason whatsoever started singing:

Two things, Miss Martin,

I cannot stand,

A bow-legged woman

And a cock-eyed man.

“Kindly lower your voice,” I requested.

Two things, Miss Martin,

I adore,

One is some loving—

And the other is

Some more!

“Cease your rowdyism,” I said. “People will conclude you’re drunk.”

Two things, Miss Martin,

That bug a man …

Cars sped by. The city hummed like a mechanical beehive. Beneath the street lights among the crowded stoops, the broken end of the song got lost in the early blue. With his mouth open Simple stopped indecisively at the corner to look slowly up and down the street.

“Which way are you going?” I asked.

“Come with me,” said Simple, “and I will show you where I am going—to Joyce’s.”

“There is no point in my going with you to see Joyce. She’s not my girl.”

“You can keep the ball rolling,” said Simple. “With me, Joyce is kind of silent these days. But if you are there, she will act like we got company—then I can talk, too. Otherwise, she will just um-hum when I say something and let it go at that. There is nothing worse than a woman that will not talk. You get so used to women rattling away that when they keep quiet you are scared they will explode. Are you coming with me or not?”