Back The Best of Simple
Chapters (76)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. Foreword: Who Is Simple?
  5. Feet Live Their Own Life
  6. Landladies
  7. Simple Prays A Prayer
  8. Conversation on the Corner
  9. Simple on Indian Blood
  10. A Toast to Harlem
  11. Simple and His Sins
  12. Temptation
  13. Wooing the Muse
  14. Vacation
  15. Letting off Steam
  16. Jealousy
  17. Banquet in Honor
  18. A Veteran Falls
  19. High Bed
  20. Final Fear
  21. There Ought to be a Law
  22. Income Tax
  23. No Alternative
  24. Springtime
  25. Last Whipping
  26. Seeing Double
  27. Simple on Military Integration
  28. Blue Evening
  29. A Letter from Baltimore
  30. Seven Rings
  31. What Can a Man Say?
  32. Empty Room
  33. Picture for Her Dresser
  34. Cocktail Sip
  35. Apple Strudel
  36. Bop
  37. Formals and Funerals
  38. Fancy Free
  39. Midsummer Madness
  40. Morals Is Her Middle Name
  41. They Come and They Go
  42. A Million—and One
  43. Two Loving Arms
  44. All in the Family
  45. Kick for Punt
  46. Subway to Jamaica
  47. No Tea for the Fever
  48. Boys, Birds, and Bees
  49. On the Warpath
  50. A Hearty Amen
  51. Must Have a Seal
  52. Shadow of the Blues
  53. Once in a Wife-time
  54. Present for Joyce
  55. Christmas Song
  56. Tied in a Bow
  57. Sometimes I Wonder
  58. Four Rings
  59. Simply Love
  60. Bang-up Big End
  61. Duty Is Not Snooty
  62. Bones, Bombs, Chicken Necks
  63. A Dog Named Trilby
  64. Enter Cousin Minnie
  65. Radioactive Red Caps
  66. Two Sides Not Enough
  67. Puerto Ricans
  68. Minnie Again
  69. Vicious Circle
  70. Again Cousin Minnie
  71. Name in Print
  72. Minnie One More Time
  73. An Auto-Obituary
  74. Jazz, Jive, and Jam
  75. About the Author
  76. Newsletter Sign-up

“What kind of prayer would you pray, friend?”

“I would pray a don’t-want-to-have-no-more-wars prayer, and it would go like this: ‘Lord,’ I would say, I would ask Him, ‘Lord, kindly please, take the blood off of my hands and off of my brothers hands, and make us shake hands clean and not be afraid. Neither let me nor them have no knives behind our backs, Lord, nor up our sleeves, nor no bombs piled out yonder in a desert. Let’s forget about bygones. Too many mens and womens are dead. The fault is mine and theirs, too. So teach us all to do right, Lord, please, and to get along together with that atom bomb on this earth—because I do not want it to fall on me—nor Thee—nor anybody living. Amen!’”

“I didn’t know you could pray like that,” I said.

“It ain’t much,” said Simple, “but that girl friend of mine, Joyce, drug me to church last Sunday where the man was preaching and praying about peace, so I don’t see why I shouldn’t make myself up a prayer, too. I figure God will listen to me as well as the next one.”

“You certainly don’t have to be a minister to pray,” I said, “and you have composed a good prayer. But now it’s up to you to help God bring it into being, since God is created in your image.”

“I thought it was the other way around,” said Simple.

“However that may be,” I said, “according to the Bible, God can bring things about on this earth only through man. You are a man, so you must help God make a good world.”

“I am willing to help Him,” said Simple, “but I do not know much what to do. The folks who run this world are going to run it in the ground in spite of all, throwing people out of work and then saying, ‘Peace, it’s wonderful!’ Peace ain’t wonderful when folks ain’t got no job.”

“Certainly a good job is essential to one’s well-being,” I said.

“It is essential to me,” said Simple, “if I do not want to live off of Joyce. And I do not want to live off of no woman. A woman will take advantage of you, if you live off of her.”

“If a woman loves you, she does not mind sharing with you,” I said. “Share and share alike.”

“Until times get hard!” said Simple. “But when there is not much to share, loving is one thing, and sharing is another. Often they parts company. I know because I have both loved and shared. As long as I shared mine, all was well, but when my wife started sharing, skippy!

“My wife said, ‘Baby, when is you going to work?’

“I said, ‘When I find a job.’

“She said, ‘Well, it better be soon because I’m giving out.’