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Chapters (76)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. Foreword: Who Is Simple?
  5. Feet Live Their Own Life
  6. Landladies
  7. Simple Prays A Prayer
  8. Conversation on the Corner
  9. Simple on Indian Blood
  10. A Toast to Harlem
  11. Simple and His Sins
  12. Temptation
  13. Wooing the Muse
  14. Vacation
  15. Letting off Steam
  16. Jealousy
  17. Banquet in Honor
  18. A Veteran Falls
  19. High Bed
  20. Final Fear
  21. There Ought to be a Law
  22. Income Tax
  23. No Alternative
  24. Springtime
  25. Last Whipping
  26. Seeing Double
  27. Simple on Military Integration
  28. Blue Evening
  29. A Letter from Baltimore
  30. Seven Rings
  31. What Can a Man Say?
  32. Empty Room
  33. Picture for Her Dresser
  34. Cocktail Sip
  35. Apple Strudel
  36. Bop
  37. Formals and Funerals
  38. Fancy Free
  39. Midsummer Madness
  40. Morals Is Her Middle Name
  41. They Come and They Go
  42. A Million—and One
  43. Two Loving Arms
  44. All in the Family
  45. Kick for Punt
  46. Subway to Jamaica
  47. No Tea for the Fever
  48. Boys, Birds, and Bees
  49. On the Warpath
  50. A Hearty Amen
  51. Must Have a Seal
  52. Shadow of the Blues
  53. Once in a Wife-time
  54. Present for Joyce
  55. Christmas Song
  56. Tied in a Bow
  57. Sometimes I Wonder
  58. Four Rings
  59. Simply Love
  60. Bang-up Big End
  61. Duty Is Not Snooty
  62. Bones, Bombs, Chicken Necks
  63. A Dog Named Trilby
  64. Enter Cousin Minnie
  65. Radioactive Red Caps
  66. Two Sides Not Enough
  67. Puerto Ricans
  68. Minnie Again
  69. Vicious Circle
  70. Again Cousin Minnie
  71. Name in Print
  72. Minnie One More Time
  73. An Auto-Obituary
  74. Jazz, Jive, and Jam
  75. About the Author
  76. Newsletter Sign-up

“No,” said Simple, “but she cannot wear licker when she goes out. I like to see my kinfolks dressed up, not looking like Gabriel’s off ox when they strolls the Avenue. Minnie is no beauty, so she needs clothes to set off what she ain’t got. I know I used to drink considerable before I got married, but I do not like to see a woman drink much—unless she is some old gal I am trying to make a quick point with—and then licker is on my side. But Minnie makes bars a habit. No wonder her boy friend has got to the place where he is about to draw back and teach her a lesson. And if Minnie thinks I am going to get mixed up in that rumble, she is wrong. No, not I!”

“You mean to say, you would not protect your cousin from force and violence on the part of a man?” I asked.

“In the first place, Minnie is not my full cousin. In the second place, I did not know she was in the world until she showed up here in Harlem claiming cousinship. In the third place, I do not know what Minnie might have done to provoke that man. Minnie might have done more than you or me can imagine. Women can drive a man sometimes to force and violence.”

“In my opinion,” I said, “there is no excuse for a man to hit a frail helpless woman, and do you mean to tell me you did not go to her rescue Sunday?”

“No.”

“Well, have you heard what happened since? Aren’t you worried? Today is Wednesday and Minnie might be annihilated by now.”

“I saw Minnie in Paddy’s Bar last night, solid as ever, setting on a stool spending somebody’s good money. I did not linger, being married, but just got a quick beer and whilst I was drinking my beer, I asked Minnie how she were.

“Minnie said, ‘Fine! Fine as wine and twice as mellow.’

“I said, ‘What about the boy friend?’

“Minnie said, ‘Oh, that old Negro is in bed asleep. The only times he comes out is Saturday night, which is the time he wants to ascertain his prerogative to fuss and fight. That is why I came to you Sunday for protection. Saturday night in Harlem ain’t no different from Saturday night in Virginia, which is everywhere the night for mens to get rambunctious. But I never did like to be threatened with no force nor violence. Of course, one of the nice things about this man is that he will tell you in front what he is liable to do. Some mens just haul off and hit you.’

“‘Suppose that was to happen to you?’ I asked Minnie.

“‘Cousin Jess, I would phone you to come and go my bail, because I would be in jail, and the man would be in Paradise,’ said Minnie.