Back The Best of Simple
Chapters (76)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. Foreword: Who Is Simple?
  5. Feet Live Their Own Life
  6. Landladies
  7. Simple Prays A Prayer
  8. Conversation on the Corner
  9. Simple on Indian Blood
  10. A Toast to Harlem
  11. Simple and His Sins
  12. Temptation
  13. Wooing the Muse
  14. Vacation
  15. Letting off Steam
  16. Jealousy
  17. Banquet in Honor
  18. A Veteran Falls
  19. High Bed
  20. Final Fear
  21. There Ought to be a Law
  22. Income Tax
  23. No Alternative
  24. Springtime
  25. Last Whipping
  26. Seeing Double
  27. Simple on Military Integration
  28. Blue Evening
  29. A Letter from Baltimore
  30. Seven Rings
  31. What Can a Man Say?
  32. Empty Room
  33. Picture for Her Dresser
  34. Cocktail Sip
  35. Apple Strudel
  36. Bop
  37. Formals and Funerals
  38. Fancy Free
  39. Midsummer Madness
  40. Morals Is Her Middle Name
  41. They Come and They Go
  42. A Million—and One
  43. Two Loving Arms
  44. All in the Family
  45. Kick for Punt
  46. Subway to Jamaica
  47. No Tea for the Fever
  48. Boys, Birds, and Bees
  49. On the Warpath
  50. A Hearty Amen
  51. Must Have a Seal
  52. Shadow of the Blues
  53. Once in a Wife-time
  54. Present for Joyce
  55. Christmas Song
  56. Tied in a Bow
  57. Sometimes I Wonder
  58. Four Rings
  59. Simply Love
  60. Bang-up Big End
  61. Duty Is Not Snooty
  62. Bones, Bombs, Chicken Necks
  63. A Dog Named Trilby
  64. Enter Cousin Minnie
  65. Radioactive Red Caps
  66. Two Sides Not Enough
  67. Puerto Ricans
  68. Minnie Again
  69. Vicious Circle
  70. Again Cousin Minnie
  71. Name in Print
  72. Minnie One More Time
  73. An Auto-Obituary
  74. Jazz, Jive, and Jam
  75. About the Author
  76. Newsletter Sign-up

“I might not own ’em,” said Simple, “but I live in ’em. It would take an atom bomb to get me out.”

“Or a depression,” I said.

“I would not move for no depression. No, I would not go back down South, not even to Baltimore. I am in Harlem to stay! You say the houses ain’t mine. Well, the sidewalk is—and don’t nobody push me off. The cops don’t even say, ‘Move on,’ hardly no more. They learned something from them Harlem riots. They used to beat your head right in public, but now they only beat it after they get you down to the stationhouse. And they don’t beat it then if they think you know a colored congressman.”

“Harlem has a few Negro leaders,” I said.

“Elected by my own vote,” said Simple. “Here I ain’t scared to vote—that’s another thing I like about Harlem. I also like it because we’ve got subways and it does not take all day to get downtown, neither are you Jim Crowed on the way. Why, Negroes is running some of these subway trains. This morning I rode the A Train down to 34th Street. There were a Negro driving it, making ninety miles a hour. That cat were really driving that train! Every time he flew by one of them local stations looks like he was saying, ‘Look at me! This train is mine!’ That cat were gone, ole man. Which is another reason why I like Harlem! Sometimes I run into Duke Ellington on 125th Street and I say, ‘What you know there, Duke?’ Duke says, ‘Solid, ole man.’ He does not know me from Adam, but he speaks. One day I saw Lena Horne coming out of the Hotel Theresa and I said, ‘Hubba! Hubba!’ Lena smiled. Folks is friendly in Harlem. I feel like I got the world in a jug and the stopper in my hand! So drink a toast to Harlem!”

Simple lifted his glass of beer:

“Here’s to Harlem!

They say Heaven is Paradise.

If Harlem ain’t Heaven,

Then a mouse ain’t mice!”

“Heaven is a state of mind,” I commented.

“It sure is mine,” said Simple, draining his glass. “From Central Park to 179th, from river to river, Harlem is mine! Lots of white folks is scared to come up here, too, after dark.”

“That is nothing to be proud of,” I said.

“I am sorry white folks is scared to come to Harlem, but I am scared to go around some of them. Why, for instant, in my home town once before I came North to live, I was walking down the street when a white woman jumped out of her door and said, ‘Boy, get away from here because I am scared of you.’

“I said, ‘Why?’

“She said, ‘Because you are black.’