“See, I even paid the extra penny—the rest of them only paid One Hundred and Thirty-Three Dollars and Thirty-Three Cents. I put in the most—Thirty-Four Cents. But to see how happy Joyce was Christmas morning, it were worth it. Now we can have a wedding this June with a capital W— only a year late. Joyce is thinking about who she is going to invite to our wedding right now—fancy with a veil, graved invitations, and two receptions, one before and one after. Also a story writ up for the papers. She says we will call it: ‘The Semple-Lane Nuptials,’ which is another name for wedding.”

“That’s going to run into money,” I said, “so you’d better start saving again.”

“Buddy, I have resolved to do nothing but save from now on in. With New Year’s coming next week, and a wedding coming in June, my resolutions is already resolved, and I will not wait until New Year’s Day to put them into force. Resolve No. 1: No whiskey and very little beer. For every glass of whiskey I can drink three or four beers. I will drink only four, no more.”

“Economics, not morals, will keep you in a milder alcoholic groove,” I said.

“So moved,” said Simple. “Now, Resolve No. 2: This year I will not talk so much. I believe if I listen more, I will learn more. Also I will get in less arguments, and be more wise than I am. The Bible says, ‘A wise man holdeth his tongue.’ I will hold mine—especially with women and landladies.”

“Excellent! When do you intend to start?”

“Shortly. Resolution No. 3: Whatever I do say, I will not try to get in the last word with a woman. I will let a chick have the last word from now on no matter what she says. A woman can be dead wrong, I will still let her have the last word. I won’t let that worry me any more.”

“You have turned diplomat in your old age,” I said.

“Who’s old? I am just tired of arguing with females. Now that I am going to be caged up with one come June, I wants no ruction in my cage.”

“You and Joyce are going to make a nest together, not a cage.”