Chapters (76)
- Title Page
- Copyright Notice
- Dedication
- Foreword: Who Is Simple?
- Feet Live Their Own Life
- Landladies
- Simple Prays A Prayer
- Conversation on the Corner
- Simple on Indian Blood
- A Toast to Harlem
- Simple and His Sins
- Temptation
- Wooing the Muse
- Vacation
- Letting off Steam
- Jealousy
- Banquet in Honor
- A Veteran Falls
- High Bed
- Final Fear
- There Ought to be a Law
- Income Tax
- No Alternative
- Springtime
- Last Whipping
- Seeing Double
- Simple on Military Integration
- Blue Evening
- A Letter from Baltimore
- Seven Rings
- What Can a Man Say?
- Empty Room
- Picture for Her Dresser
- Cocktail Sip
- Apple Strudel
- Bop
- Formals and Funerals
- Fancy Free
- Midsummer Madness
- Morals Is Her Middle Name
- They Come and They Go
- A Million—and One
- Two Loving Arms
- All in the Family
- Kick for Punt
- Subway to Jamaica
- No Tea for the Fever
- Boys, Birds, and Bees
- On the Warpath
- A Hearty Amen
- Must Have a Seal
- Shadow of the Blues
- Once in a Wife-time
- Present for Joyce
- Christmas Song
- Tied in a Bow
- Sometimes I Wonder
- Four Rings
- Simply Love
- Bang-up Big End
- Duty Is Not Snooty
- Bones, Bombs, Chicken Necks
- A Dog Named Trilby
- Enter Cousin Minnie
- Radioactive Red Caps
- Two Sides Not Enough
- Puerto Ricans
- Minnie Again
- Vicious Circle
- Again Cousin Minnie
- Name in Print
- Minnie One More Time
- An Auto-Obituary
- Jazz, Jive, and Jam
- About the Author
- Newsletter Sign-up
“In other words, you left under duress.”
“Pressure,” said Simple.
“Then why don’t you refute her argument? Contest her claim?”
“That is just why we separated, we argued so much. I will not argue with Isabel now over no divorce. She writ that she did not want to contest. Neither do I. I never could win an argument with that woman. Only once in a wife-time did I win, and I did not win then with words.”
“How did you win?”
“I just grabbed her and kissed her,” said Simple.
“Why didn’t you try that method more often?”
“Because as soon as I kissed her she stopped arguing and started loving. Sometimes it is not loving a man wants. He wants to win—especially when he knows he is right. She told me one time that I had forgot and left the front door unlatched when I went to work.
“I said, ‘I know I did not.’
“She said, ‘I know you did.’
“It were on from there on in. The truth was I left her at home that morning. She was late to work herself, so she was the last one to go out, so she left the door unlatched. But the more I argued, the madder she got. That is the way with a woman when they are wrong. They not only argue, but they get mad. So I just let her rave. When I did not say a word my wife got madder. In fact, Isabel got so mad that night she were shaking. When a woman shakes, you know you got her goat. So at that point, I said, ‘Shut up!’
“Do you think she hushed? No, she just started all over again, It took the neighbors from both sides of the project to stop us. Folks wants to sleep and it were two o’clock in the morning.
“But the time that I won the argument, my wife were right, although I would not let her know it.
“Isabel said, ‘Jess Semple, I saw you walking down the street with Della Mae Jones when I were passing on the Pennsylvania Avenue bus.’
“I said, ‘You’s a lie!’
“She said, ‘Then my eyes must of deceived me.’
“I said, ‘They did.’
“She said, ‘I know you. I know her. I know the clothes you wear. I know the way you talk. It were you and it were she.’
“I said, ‘Not me. It might of been she, but not me. Baby, you know I don’t care nothing about that girl, not even enough to walk a block with.’
“I grabbed Isabel and kissed her, bam! On the mouth! Then I bit her on the left cheek. After which I kissed her on the ear, and before she could get loose I negotiated her mouth again. By that time, she had done throwed her arms around my neck and would not let me go. So I won that argument.