Back The Best of Simple Save as PDF
Chapters (76)
  1. Title Page
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. Foreword: Who Is Simple?
  5. Feet Live Their Own Life
  6. Landladies
  7. Simple Prays A Prayer
  8. Conversation on the Corner
  9. Simple on Indian Blood
  10. A Toast to Harlem
  11. Simple and His Sins
  12. Temptation
  13. Wooing the Muse
  14. Vacation
  15. Letting off Steam
  16. Jealousy
  17. Banquet in Honor
  18. A Veteran Falls
  19. High Bed
  20. Final Fear
  21. There Ought to be a Law
  22. Income Tax
  23. No Alternative
  24. Springtime
  25. Last Whipping
  26. Seeing Double
  27. Simple on Military Integration
  28. Blue Evening
  29. A Letter from Baltimore
  30. Seven Rings
  31. What Can a Man Say?
  32. Empty Room
  33. Picture for Her Dresser
  34. Cocktail Sip
  35. Apple Strudel
  36. Bop
  37. Formals and Funerals
  38. Fancy Free
  39. Midsummer Madness
  40. Morals Is Her Middle Name
  41. They Come and They Go
  42. A Million—and One
  43. Two Loving Arms
  44. All in the Family
  45. Kick for Punt
  46. Subway to Jamaica
  47. No Tea for the Fever
  48. Boys, Birds, and Bees
  49. On the Warpath
  50. A Hearty Amen
  51. Must Have a Seal
  52. Shadow of the Blues
  53. Once in a Wife-time
  54. Present for Joyce
  55. Christmas Song
  56. Tied in a Bow
  57. Sometimes I Wonder
  58. Four Rings
  59. Simply Love
  60. Bang-up Big End
  61. Duty Is Not Snooty
  62. Bones, Bombs, Chicken Necks
  63. A Dog Named Trilby
  64. Enter Cousin Minnie
  65. Radioactive Red Caps
  66. Two Sides Not Enough
  67. Puerto Ricans
  68. Minnie Again
  69. Vicious Circle
  70. Again Cousin Minnie
  71. Name in Print
  72. Minnie One More Time
  73. An Auto-Obituary
  74. Jazz, Jive, and Jam
  75. About the Author
  76. Newsletter Sign-up

“In other words, you left under duress.”

“Pressure,” said Simple.

“Then why don’t you refute her argument? Contest her claim?”

“That is just why we separated, we argued so much. I will not argue with Isabel now over no divorce. She writ that she did not want to contest. Neither do I. I never could win an argument with that woman. Only once in a wife-time did I win, and I did not win then with words.”

“How did you win?”

“I just grabbed her and kissed her,” said Simple.

“Why didn’t you try that method more often?”

“Because as soon as I kissed her she stopped arguing and started loving. Sometimes it is not loving a man wants. He wants to win—especially when he knows he is right. She told me one time that I had forgot and left the front door unlatched when I went to work.

“I said, ‘I know I did not.’

“She said, ‘I know you did.’

“It were on from there on in. The truth was I left her at home that morning. She was late to work herself, so she was the last one to go out, so she left the door unlatched. But the more I argued, the madder she got. That is the way with a woman when they are wrong. They not only argue, but they get mad. So I just let her rave. When I did not say a word my wife got madder. In fact, Isabel got so mad that night she were shaking. When a woman shakes, you know you got her goat. So at that point, I said, ‘Shut up!’

“Do you think she hushed? No, she just started all over again, It took the neighbors from both sides of the project to stop us. Folks wants to sleep and it were two o’clock in the morning.

“But the time that I won the argument, my wife were right, although I would not let her know it.

“Isabel said, ‘Jess Semple, I saw you walking down the street with Della Mae Jones when I were passing on the Pennsylvania Avenue bus.’

“I said, ‘You’s a lie!’

“She said, ‘Then my eyes must of deceived me.’

“I said, ‘They did.’

“She said, ‘I know you. I know her. I know the clothes you wear. I know the way you talk. It were you and it were she.’

“I said, ‘Not me. It might of been she, but not me. Baby, you know I don’t care nothing about that girl, not even enough to walk a block with.’

“I grabbed Isabel and kissed her, bam! On the mouth! Then I bit her on the left cheek. After which I kissed her on the ear, and before she could get loose I negotiated her mouth again. By that time, she had done throwed her arms around my neck and would not let me go. So I won that argument.