Sobs wracked my body, and I fell on to my knees, feeling like my chest was being ripped open. My life for the past five years had been a fucking lie. He played me like a fucking fool. I couldn’t believe I spent all this time with no clue to what was going on. I eyed the knife in my hands, wondering just for a second what it would be like to just let go. To stop all the pain that I was going through. It felt like the world was righting a wrong. All it would take was two slices, and I could stop the hurt.

Is this what it feels like to be between two worlds? I felt a desire to let go, to ease the pain, but also the longing to feel everything all at once. Throwing the knife across the room, I cried into my hands. I knew that wasn’t the answer. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t alone, but right fucking now, it felt like my world was crumbling before me, making sure I didn’t get back up. I was drowning in life again, worse than before, and the need for air was overwhelming, but I couldn’t bring myself to care anymore.

Sometimes it’s ok to lose your breath. That burn in our lungs shows us we are alive, and sometimes it gives us the motivation we need to survive. 

Your story is still being written.

We’ll be here when you’re ready.

Just breathe…

I cried even harder thinking of the guys. Even though I was so mad at them, I craved their comfort, warmth, and strength. No one had made me feel like I could overcome what I went through like the guys did. I felt the overwhelming need to talk to them. It took me several tries to get up from the floor with all the shit everywhere. I walked to the kitchen, still crying, grabbed the bottle of wine, and chugged the rest of it. I looked inside my purse, finding my phone. It was only one in the afternoon, and I had missed texts and a bunch of calls. I hesitated, thinking that this was probably a bad idea. They tried to get rid of me, or that’s the way it sounded like, but… maybe it was just a big misunderstanding?

Fuck it. I opened my messages, seeing a text from Callum.

I’m just trying to protect you, but if you’ve gone home. It’s for the best because…

I stopped reading even though there were a few more messages from him, but that’s the one I zeroed in on. I didn’t need to keep reading to see that what I had assumed was real. I clenched my jaw in anger, locking my phone, and setting it on the island. My phone vibrated and as soon as I saw the message, I regretted seeing it.