She said nothing for a minute, and I was just about to tell her let’s just go eat something when she started talking. “I was sixteen when I went through a lot of stuff. A guy who was way out of my league asked me out only for him to take my virginity and then tell the entire school I was loose and a whore. They ridiculed me for months until I couldn’t take it anymore and I attempted suicide.” My body froze with her confession. “Paul was going to tell my mom and dad that he was gay apparently on that night and I ruined it for him. He says I ruined years of his life because all they thought about was me.”

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe she and Natalie were so similar.

“Shit… I’m sorry I shouldn’t have…” I grabbed her in my arms, wanting to wash away any pain that lingered from that memory. I didn’t realize I was frantic in my movements until Jane grabbed my face in her hands.

“Nathan!” she shouted, bringing me to the present. “I’m sorry I…”

“My twin Natalie killed herself five years ago,” I said quickly, hoping this didn’t freak her out. “I always thought I saw the same sadness in her eyes that I see in yours sometimes.”

“Fuck, Nathan. I am so sorry.” She squeezed me tightly.

“It was the reason I couldn’t go to your brother’s wedding with you. The anniversary of her death was on the same day as his wedding and well, I usually end up getting shit-faced and not dealing with it.”

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry.” She leaned back, looking at my face. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.” She looked like she was getting ready to cry.

“It’s ok. I need to heal, and I need to talk about her more because it feels like I’m forgetting her. She needs to be remembered,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I should have just told you instead of making up an excuse.”

“It’s ok, we didn’t know each other well enough for you to just tell me. I can’t imagine how hard that is to get over.”

“I don’t handle it well, and this year, I royally fucked up.” I didn’t know why, but I felt like Jane needed to know what happened with Candy. “On the Sunday you guys came back. I woke up next to Candy. I don’t even remember how I got to her house.”

Jane sat up quickly. “Did that fucking bitch drug you again?” She looked down at me.