Liza breathed deeply. She was just about to open her mouth and give these self-righteous goblins all of her vocabulary when a rich voice boomed behind her.

“She was also the mastermind behind the Netherfield Must Go hashtag, and she was invited,” the man said.

Mr. Muscles clapped his mouth shut. His stupid smirk was nearly gone.

“I’m glad you could be here,” the rich voice continued.

Liza looked up, and her mouth popped open. He was smooth, uniformly brown, with a graphic tee that had a picture of Oprah with All My Life I Had to Fight printed across it. No headdress, no robes, no calling her “girl.”

Tall.

Dark.

Handsome.

The Color Purple reference.

Liza was already halfway in love.

“I’m honored to be a part of this,” she said. Just as soon as I find out what this is. She smiled broadly—too broadly—and was suddenly embarrassed to still be looking into his eyes. “I, um, hope I can be of use.”

“William Isaiah Curry, but my friends call me WIC.” When she reached her hand out for a handshake, he pulled her into a hug. His cologne was sweet and cool, and just when Liza was getting cozy, he released her. He looked down and pointed to her bosom, and Liza saw with embarrassment that the top snap from her blouse had come loose in the hug, showing a bit of neck. But the women gasped like she had just ripped open her shirt.

“Cheap snaps,” she mumbled, snapping the shirt back together and zipping up her jacket. She tried to play it cool, but her face was hot with indignation. What is this Hester Prynne bullshit? WIC clapped above his head to get the attention of the other organizers.

“Okay, let’s all introduce ourselves and get to work. Remember, there is no such thing as a stupid idea. We’re leaving this room with a solution, and I, for one, really like the idea of hitting them in their wallets.” He put a hand on Liza’s shoulder and smiled reassuringly.

Liza was bolstered and fluttery at the same time. She took a deep breath and explained her plan.

THE DRY HUMPING

From: WQUR

To: [email protected]

Dear Mr. Fitzgerald,

Thank you so much for your gold sponsorship of the Liza Bennett Hour! Your contributions entitle you to three separate scripts and one appearance per quarter. We can also provide you with analytics about the effectiveness of your ads.

Good luck,

Martin R.