Peggy and Greta could see her ear, and a shudder went through them as they thought about the pain of it. Peggy and Greta had underestimated the unrest in Heidi and Dell for all this time. They’d been far too concerned with themselves, with their own dilemma. With Heidi and Dell, it was something much deeper. It was fundamental. Much earlier than Peggy and Greta had realised, Heidi and Dell had seen what was up. They’d been looking for a way out, even before they’d all moved into the flat together. They had thought Ian was something they could win, that he offered some sort of solution, and they’d decided that Heidi would play him. It had ruined her, and because it was her it had ruined, she saw it more clearly – that there were some things that couldn’t be fought. From that point on they could never agree on what was worth fighting and what wasn’t. Maybe Dell had kept playing so hard, moving always towards conflict and pain, to make it up to Heidi. Maybe if Dell could prove them right, that things would falter from a headlong assault, then everything – the abuse, the shame, the scars – would be worth it, and Dell could forgive herself – but everything she did had made things a lot worse.

‘How are Bisi and Ash?’ Peggy said.

‘Good,’ Heidi nodded.

‘That’s going to take some explaining,’ Peggy said. ‘About Dell. You told them that she was your sister.’

Heidi shrugged.

‘And that she was dead,’ Greta said.

‘Wait,’ Peggy said. ‘Was she not dead?’

Heidi laughed, ‘She was dead when I saw her.’

Dell had been dead, and then she hadn’t. For them, it had been years of loss. For Dell, it had been a heartbeat. Like walking through a door from death to yesterday.

‘We always think we’re special because of what happened,’ Heidi said. ‘Like we have a special grief, special pain, but everyone is dealing with something. This place isn’t any kinder on people like Bisi and Ash. They get on, though. We’re fucking show ponies.’

Someone from the volleyball game called over to Heidi. ‘I need to go and play,’ Heidi said, and she looked at them. ‘No hard feelings.’ They’d been through a lot.

They shook their heads and gave her a hug.

Heidi turned when she was a few feet away from them. ‘I always wanted to tell you,’ she said. ‘Like, I know it means nothing now, but I always wanted to tell you. Dell said it would ruin you.’ She looked to her left and then to her right. ‘Don’t let it ruin you.’