Back Nothing to See
Chapters (57)
  1. Cover
  2. Title
  3. Dedication
  4. Dedication2
  5. 1994
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. 12
  18. 13
  19. 14
  20. 15
  21. 16
  22. 17
  23. 2006
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 2018
  45. 38
  46. 39
  47. 40
  48. 41
  49. 42
  50. 43
  51. 44
  52. 45
  53. 46
  54. 47
  55. 48
  56. 49
  57. Acknowledgements

Heidi frowned like it sounded pretty good. ‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Okay. What are you making?’

The vegetables were lined up on Margaret’s bench in a small Noah’s ark parade. Heidi’s fennel bulb, Margaret’s fennel bulb. She never forgot what it was like not to be alone. She was always lonely. Even when Heidi was standing this close to her and they were looking at the vegetables together. She never talked to Heidi about it, because she knew Heidi loved her independence. Dell was dead and Heidi was sad, but they’d been apart for a long time before Dell died. Heidi had always wanted to be free of Dell. But what had Peggy and Greta wanted? They’d been happy, they’d worked well together, they were grateful every day for each other – all they wanted was to be close. Some of the people in meetings talked about how everything that happens is for the best. Had Heidi and Margaret both ended up with what they wanted? Heidi had been left alone, and Peggy and Greta were as close as they could be in Margaret. But Heidi was happy and Margaret never would be. Like someone who’d messed up the syntax of a wish – she went over and over it every day of her life. What had Peggy and Greta done? But it wasn’t cause and effect, and this is what made Margaret angriest of all. The simulation was flawless, but the narrative was full of causal fallacies and cliché. Life was long and boring. The day-to-day was a shambles and the big picture was a cliché. The world was ending – what would they do?

‘You could go away and come back with the family for dinner?’ Margaret said. She hadn’t seen any of them for a day or so. She liked Ash. They were kind and smart and interested in interesting things.

‘Yeah.’ Heidi looked out the window. ‘Yeah. How about I do that?’

‘If you let Bisi know now, she won’t start dinner. Is Ash out tonight?’

Heidi laughed. ‘I think you overestimate the social life of a nine-year-old. I’ll head home and let you know if we can’t make it.’

‘Sounds good,’ said Margaret. ‘I can get that work done.’

‘No rest for the wicked,’ Heidi said.