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Chapters (57)
  1. Cover
  2. Title
  3. Dedication
  4. Dedication2
  5. 1994
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. 12
  18. 13
  19. 14
  20. 15
  21. 16
  22. 17
  23. 2006
  24. 18
  25. 19
  26. 20
  27. 21
  28. 22
  29. 23
  30. 24
  31. 25
  32. 26
  33. 27
  34. 28
  35. 29
  36. 30
  37. 31
  38. 32
  39. 33
  40. 34
  41. 35
  42. 36
  43. 37
  44. 2018
  45. 38
  46. 39
  47. 40
  48. 41
  49. 42
  50. 43
  51. 44
  52. 45
  53. 46
  54. 47
  55. 48
  56. 49
  57. Acknowledgements

Heidi shrugged. ‘She’s not my friend, or my family, or a workmate, or anything. Realistically, she’s just a malfunction. No offence,’ she added.

‘None taken,’ Greta and Peggy said together.

‘But. What would you do if she got arrested?’ Peggy asked. She was repeating herself now – like she’d rounded back on a dialogue tree. She was shaking her head. Greta was as well, opening her mouth, miming what Peggy was saying.

‘That’s what I’m saying,’ Heidi said. ‘Dell and I fundamen-tally disagree about the best way to do this.’ And she waved her hand between Peggy and Greta, which made them both look around to make sure no one saw it. No one had seen it.

‘But,’ Greta said.

‘She wants to run around trying to fight everything.’ Heidi was getting angry. ‘Look at this – like today. Like, if I just carry on living my life – I’m fine. Doing what’s expected, playing by the rules. We’re fine. She’s fucking stealing cars like it’s fucking Grand Theft Auto and I’m out having a nice cup of coffee like a normal person and through having a nice cup of coffee I save both our arses.’

‘So, you’re kind of a team anyway,’ Peggy said.

‘Dell brings nothing to the table,’ Heidi said. ‘Look, I’m sorry I even mentioned it. It’s not a big deal. She’s on her way out of the city to lay low for a few days now.’

‘You’d miss her.’ It was more a question than a statement. But what was left of the statement, Greta was making for all of them. They weren’t monsters. ‘Like, if she did leave. Like properly.’

‘I guess I’d find out,’ Heidi said. ‘I haven’t seen her in years. If she wanted to go away properly, she would.’

Equivalency was often mistaken for intimacy. Proximity was important – Peggy put her hand on Greta’s leg – but Dell and Heidi had never been close, not like Peggy and Greta were. They’d never settled into being two. They hated each other in a way that was only possible because they were the same person.

‘But you’ve known she’s there. Like, while you’re up here. Like a shadow,’ Peggy said. ‘That must mean something.’

‘She’s not helpful,’ Heidi said. ‘Do you know what she is? She’s a fucking status effect – and not a good one. Dell is a fucking nausea potion.’

‘Or cancer,’ Greta said, and everyone looked at her for a moment because she’d said too much.