In December I said one night and he agreed, didn’t he? He might have said he wanted more but I didn’t think he meant it. I thought he wanted the same as me. Relive our glory days for one night. But that isn’t true, I want to believe it is but I can’t hide from the truth, he did want more. Liam told me that he wanted more than one night, but I thought he was just trying to woo me. Trying to get me into his bed. It never crossed my mind that he might have meant what he said. Now that I know him better I can see he wasn’t just using his words to lure me in but I haven’t really thought about it. I had to convince myself that he was some playboy using sweet words to get a girl in his bed. It was the only way I could get myself to leave without feeling guilty. I have been in denial, pushing myself to believe the worst in him to soften the blow when I walked away.

But his admission makes me think seriously for the first time: could it ever work? Liam and I are very different from each other for a start. He’s still my ex – and do I want to get back with my ex? He also went behind my back and told the Spears about the baby. Then there is the fact that if we didn’t work out it would be impossible to recover from the heartbreak. The internal debate consumes me; the constant back and forth is like emotional tennis. And then you add hormones and health complications into the mix, and suddenly I don’t have a clue about anything.

But is it worth the risk? Knowing that I could lose him and still have to be in his life facing that heartbreak at every step. No. No it wouldn’t be fair. Not to him and not to my heart.