“You have no idea, do you? Jack is going to be a brother and there is going to be a baby, a baby that isn’t going to give a shit about my schedules.” I am rambling and I see him try to interrupt but I’m not letting that happen, he just has to listen. “You’re going to get to waltz in whenever it suits you and tell me everything I’m doing wrong. There are so many things that I could do wrong. I mean, what if I get taken into hospital with a flare-up? What if I have to stop working? What happens if it’s a premature birth and you’re miles away? Or what happens if Jack hates the baby? Or if the baby hates me?”

“Ellis, stop for a second. You’re catastrophising and you need to come back to earth.” His voice is tired, I can hear all of his earlier joy has fallen away. When I turn to look at him, I can see worry for me in his eyes, but I don’t stop pacing. It’s like he didn’t hear a word I said, nothing about that is catastrophising. All of it is a real possibility and now he wants me to calm down. Fuck him.

“Oh, that sounds so easy, don’t know why I didn’t think about that. You are so fucking helpful.” My teeth are gritted and the sarcasm tastes like poison against my tongue, but there is no stopping it.

“What can I do to help?” Liam asks, reaching a hand out for me that I bat away.

“Nothing! It’s too much. Everything hurts. I don’t want to be alone again.” My voice falters over the words and I can feel myself shaking. Tears fill my eyes as the emotions continue to pour out of me. Every thought I have had over the past twelve weeks is pouring out of me in the middle of his living room floor. Liam looks tortured through my tears, but I can’t find it in me to look after him as well as me when I am crumbling onto the cold floor.

“Sunshine, please get up.” Behind the fog of my tears, I see him close in on me, so I scramble back even further. His voice is soft and kind, trying to put me at ease, but it doesn’t work. It still sounds like static to me, a background humming in a deep corner of my mind. Unable to focus on it.

“Don’t touch me!” I hear my voice but I don’t recognise it. I need Liam to put me back together again. I wish he could, but I know if he touches me the fragile remains of me will turn to ash.