BooksBarbecue
Back Melting For You
Chapters (45)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Prologue
  4. Chapter One
  5. Chapter Two
  6. Chapter Three
  7. Chapter Four
  8. Chapter Five
  9. Chapter Six
  10. Chapter Seven
  11. Chapter Eight
  12. Chapter Nine
  13. Chapter Ten
  14. Chapter Eleven
  15. Chapter Twelve
  16. Chapter Thirteen
  17. Chapter Fourteen
  18. Chapter Fifteen
  19. Chapter Sixteen
  20. Chapter Seventeen
  21. Chapter Eighteen
  22. Chapter Nineteen
  23. Chapter Twenty
  24. Chapter Twenty-One
  25. Chapter Twenty-Two
  26. Chapter Twenty-Three
  27. Chapter Twenty-Four
  28. Chapter Twenty-Five
  29. Chapter Twenty-Six
  30. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  31. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  32. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  33. Chapter Thirty
  34. Chapter Thirty-One
  35. Chapter Thirty-Two
  36. Chapter Thirty-Three
  37. Chapter Thirty-Four
  38. Chapter Thirty-Five
  39. Chapter Thirty-Six
  40. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  41. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  42. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  43. Epilogue
  44. Acknowledgements
  45. About the Author

I can feel it the moment it happens. When my brain drains of the adrenalin from hearing the heartbeat and we are back in the car. I feel the second it all saps away. The high of seeing the baby and having Liam by my side crashes as I stare at the sonogram picture the whole way home. So wrapped up in the feelings of anxiety digging its way into my heart that I don’t know if Liam is driving to my place or his, but I know I have hours until it’s time to pick up Jack so I don’t care. I care about the fact my life is about to be splintered apart and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Jack for the most part was a happy baby, his birth was scary, I was going in blind and alone but it was a straightforward labour. There is no way to guarantee it will happen like that this time. There are so many things that can go wrong.

One of the things Jack struggled with when he was first born was sleeping. He just didn’t want to do it. I would feed him, change him, hold him. But he would cry relentlessly. All through the night. All through the day. It felt as though I went months without more than two hours’ sleep. Every feed was my responsibility, every nappy was mine to clean up, and nobody told me how many loads of clothes I would have to wash.

Now I’m going to be doing that again, alongside raising a small child. My routine will be out of the window, there will be no full night’s sleep to replenish myself for the next day. The days will roll into each other and I am going to have to find a way to still be a parent to Jack.

I can hear Liam talking to me from the driver’s seat, but the words don’t penetrate my spiral. I don’t hear the car stop or him getting out. It isn’t until he opens my door for me that I am pulled back to the present. I can see the concern in Liam’s eyes but I don’t have the strength to pretend everything is fine. Because it isn’t. I am in so much pain already and I am only one third through. There is so much left to go and so much I will have to do and change even once the baby comes. Everything is spinning out on me and there is nothing solid for me to hold on to.