“Mum, come look at my train!” I can hear Jack yelling but my brain just can’t focus. So many thoughts are running through my head, I can’t keep still. I pace in front of the front door, my mind whirling a mile a minute.

“Mum!” Jack yells, clearly unimpressed by the lack of attention I’m giving him.

“Sorry, what’s up, bud?” I wander over to where he’s set up his newest train set on the living room rug. I sit on the couch but as soon as I do I bounce back up, unable to relax.

“Why do you keep walking around?” Jack quizzes me. I wish I had an answer, but how do you explain to a five-year-old that you are so anxious that your hands have started to sweat and your mouth feels so dry it is hard to talk?

“Just got a lot of energy to shake off, my friend is coming over remember?” I tell him. I explained before that Liam is an old friend from school who I haven’t seen in a long time. I don’t like lying to Jack – actually, I hate it. But I’m also not going to dump all of my history with Liam on his little shoulders. He is going to be in Jack’s life for a long time, and I need Jack to like him.

“I didn’t know that grown-ups had play dates. Is he fun?” There’s that childhood innocence again. He’s half right. It was a damn play date that got us all into this mess.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Here we go,” I mumble to myself, knowing it’s Liam behind the door. I take one last large breath as I swing it open. And there he is. Liam is wearing a pair of loose-fitting black jeans and a tight grey T-shirt, the perfect picture of muscle and smiles.

“Hey Sunshine, how you feeling?” he asks, eyes scanning me from head to toe, cataloguing all the small changes that have happened since the last time he saw me. I’m not showing really, but my boobs have definitely swollen. I wonder if he notices as his eyes pause there for a second longer than usual.

“I feel sick,” I tell him truthfully.

“Oh no, has morning sickness kicked in?” He comes forward placing a hand on my shoulder, digging his fingers into the tight muscles there.

“Yes, but also I’m just anxious about this.” I melt under his fingertips. He gives me a small smile continuing to massage me slightly. When I finally give him a smile in return, he drops his hand to pick up a bag from between his feet that I didn’t notice yet.

“I bought Jack something,” he tells me, straightening back up.