Until that, too, had to inevitably come to a heart-breaking end. Life, as it always does, continued on. Since then, I ran a catalogue of heartbreaks – including Jack’s father. That loneliness was different. It was deeper, all-consuming. I was growing a baby, but I had not a soul to tell; no friends or acquaintances left.

Coming home to an empty flat day after day was the second worst time of my life. Living in dark rooms that were cold both figuratively and literally because I refused to use my gas to cut down my bills.

Then came the hospital appointments. Sitting in the prenatal waiting rooms with all the happy, expectant couples huddled over big bumps with smiles as blinding white as the walls. I know that in my soul they must have been having their own issues, but from where I was sat, I felt like a leper, cast off to the side of the room for being a single mum with nobody to hold my hand when I was listening for a heartbeat. There was no one to talk to about whether or not we were going to find out the biological sex of the baby: it was just me.

This time should be different. I told myself if I ever got pregnant again I wouldn’t be as alone, I would have a support system and be in a healthy relationship. But today it’s just me and Jack. Again.

I do have Liam, but he had to travel to an away game in Las Vegas. Though he has demanded that from the moment the nurses call my name I must FaceTime him so he can be in the room. I could see on his face when the first scan date was booked that it hurt him.

It’s a scary thought, to think how much he might miss because of his games. I don’t want to look at it is a bad omen – that the first scan lined up with him being away. But a small part of me worries this is a sign of things to come.

It’s an unfair thing to think, it’s just one scan. A scan that’s taking place earlier than usual, due to the medication I take. My ob-gyn wanted to make sure the baby is okay, given that I was still taking non-pregnancy-safe pain relief for weeks into this pregnancy. If the first scan was at the usual point, around twelve weeks, then Liam would have been here. He apologised and apologised relentlessly; so desperate to let me know he would love nothing more than to be holding my hand.