“I was sat in the back row.” My voice cuts between us, scratchy and strained, but Liam will hear me. He always hears me. “I couldn’t get comfortable in the chair, but that isn’t new. I just didn’t pay any attention. I was so wrapped up in the lecture that I ignored all the signs, my leg kept twitching and my spine was on fire, but I just wanted to push through it, you know?”

“What happened El?” Liam’s fingers keep running through my hair, grounding me.

“When the lecture ended I tried to stand up… my hips locked. I nearly screamed. For a second I forgot about my pain, just for my body to remind me that I don’t get to forget.” Tears fall over my cheeks as I relive it for him. “The moment my hips clicked, pain burst out of me. I must have made some sound because eyes flew to me, rows of people watching me try to walk. I had to walk down all the stairs, but my joints just wouldn’t bend. I had to waddle with everyone watching me. I could feel them looking, they thought it was funny. I could hear them laughing.”

“I’m so sorry El, nobody will remember by next week. It will pass.” His eyes are sympathetic, but his words don’t have their desired effect.

“It won’t pass! Not to me. I am going to be a weirdo forever. You are too scared to even hug me properly because you think it will hurt. None of this is going to pass.”

“Ellis, listen to me.” Liam’s voice is suddenly commanding as he tugs my hair gently to pull me away from his chest so he can meet my eyes. “You are exactly who you are meant to be. Kind, loving and so damn smart. You have been through so much and you show up every day. Even when you should rest. I know athletes that couldn’t take an ounce of what you feel, but you never use it to get special treatment.” He barely breathes as he rants on, “You work hard, study and smile even when you could be curled in a ball on the floor from the pain. Hell, you deal with me upset when I lose a game even though it probably seems silly. I am in awe of you. You have so much good, don’t let some people who have no idea who you really are make you feel like you are not everything. You are everything El.”

By the end of his crusade I’m stunned. My tears dry and I am speechless. If I speak I will utter those three little words. Ones that are too big for Liam and I. When Liam and I started this tryst, I was clear it could never be love. In three weeks’ time, Liam will enter the NHL draft and I won’t follow him.