He bought it because after we talked about not breastfeeding he wanted to move the master suite downstairs. He said it would make sense, close to the kitchen for warming a bottle and not having to walk downstairs if I am in pain. Selfishly, I didn’t want that.

This master suite is beautiful and the tub in the en suite has jets that work wonders for me. I didn’t want to give that up so we compromised. The mini fridge was the start of that, we can keep a few ready-made bottles in there so neither of us have to go downstairs to mix it up during the night. He also bought a portable bottle warmer to help with not having to go downstairs whenever she is hungry.

Liam left a bottle in the warmer when he left and I will sing his praises until the cows come home because that means I can wait for my painkillers to kick in before having to get out of bed. I press the lift button on the crib and take Charlotte into my arms. In between screams her little perfect lips are smacking together searching for food.

Breathing is hard through the pain but eliminating the mum guilt of leaving her crying while my painkillers kick in has lifted a weight from me that I didn’t even know was there.

While the painkillers start to take the edge off I get to look down at my amazing little girl as she guzzles her milk. I don’t know how something so small can eat so much or scream so much, she really is her father’s daughter.

After our postnatal appointment the nurse commented on how well Charlotte is doing despite being born a little bit early. I think she just wanted to make an entrance early enough that her dad could spend time with her without being distracted by hockey. I know Coach Mitch told Liam he could take some time off after the baby was born, but if the Spears were losing because Liam was at home I know the guilt would eat him up, especially seeing how this is his last season.

Liam has changed a million ways since college but one that stands out the most is his opinion on painkillers.

As a hockey player he has always been pro pain relief, but pain killers as a chronically ill person work differently. He had to find that out the hard way when we were younger, to give me the benefit of the doubt that I was in a lot of pain and my meds were not touching the sides, and this poor, stupid twenty-year-old complained that I must be lying about taking them because medication kills the pain.

I think a small part of why he is so adamant with finding every way to help me now stems from conversations we had all those years ago in university.