After a while we fall into a comfortable silence the only sound being the ripples of the water from the jets and the repetitive spa music through the speakers. We’ve been sat here a while and should probably think about packing up but there is a thought I can’t shake. I should have expected it really; as good as Liam is, there are always going to be things I worry about and this is one. I know it is irrational, but most anxious thoughts are irrational. That’s their biggest catch.

“I don’t want to be like my mother,” I blurt out. The words just fell right out of my brain into the air around us like a crashing cymbal.

“Jesus! Where did that come from?” Lyndsey recoils, finally slipping out of the water and joining me on the edge.

“She never worked but also never parented. What if I think I’m doing a good thing by being at home but I’m just teaching my kids to be lazy and to expect everyone to do things for you?” Hearing the words I know it’s crazy. I know that traditional work isn’t right or possible for everyone. But there is still a niggle that I might be my mother’s daughter at my core and there would be nothing I can do about it.

“Bullshit. Ellis, I’ve never had the displeasure of meeting Eleanor, but the fact you are worried about becoming her already makes you miles better. She never cared about the fact she was shitty,” she says sternly.

That’s true. I think even if you asked her now, Eleanor wouldn’t admit to her shortcomings. Maybe she just doesn’t care that she hurt me for all those years. “Ellis, you are a good mom. You are a good woman. Never doubt it.” Lyndsey takes my hand and squeezes it before pulling me to my feet to take us home.

I can hear the guys before I even get to the door. I don’t need to look at Lyndsey to feel her smile as she registers them. The pair of us pause at the door listening as they laugh and joke. Rook’s voice is the loudest, it sounds like he is re-enacting some hockey game where he is every player and commentator at the same time. Too desperate to see my boys and, honestly, to see the award-winning acting from Rook, I finally open the door to the smell of pizza and joy.

As soon as he sees me, Jack jumps from his place between Liam and Jay and comes with a running leap into my arms.

“Missed you,” he tells me in a whisper by my ear and god, I missed him too. A few hours is nothing, but knowing I missed a day of smiles and laughter is a little bittersweet. Laughter from him is par for the course these days.