He pounds into me from above, but I tug on his hair to pull him from my neck just to see his face. Without slowing his hips, he snakes one of his hands down my body, circling his fingers around my clit. I wanted to watch his face but the power in his eyes is more than I was expecting, than I can take. There is something in them that I don’t have the capacity to place, but it seems dangerously close to longing. His cock hitting my G spot and his fingers on my clit throw me over the cliff into my second orgasm. There is a telltale feeling of him throbbing inside of me before he slams himself as close as possible before coming inside of me.

He regains some strength, breathing deeply on top of me. With a final, guttural sigh, Liam rolls us both over so that we are lying facing each other, my thigh still hitched over his hip, still buried inside me. I can see Liam is trying to find some words to say, but I have forgotten every word I have ever known.

“I know it’s just one night El, but at least stay until the morning?” His words break the silence. I couldn’t turn him down if I tried, so I nod.

I know if it’s going to be one night, I’m going to make it count. I don’t know when I will get another night like this. After three more rounds: one in the shower, one against the bathroom wall and another in the bed, Liam falls asleep while I lay on his chest. I know I said I would give him until morning, but if I don’t leave now I’m not sure I ever will.

Just like I did ten years ago, I leave him again. Quietly, I tap away at the Uber app on my phone, patiently, nervously tracking the driver. Years ago, I left him with the shreds of my heart and a bright future ahead of him. Back then, I wanted to see him succeed and I know he couldn’t have done that with me hanging around. I told myself that if anything is truly meant to be, then we would find each other. But this doesn’t feel like how I imagined. I thought our lives would be simpler. He would have retired and be ready to settle down, I would have my pain in order. We would finally be perfect and we could ride off into the sunset. I don’t want to be here when he realises that this one night of fun was all he wanted. I don’t think I would survive the “it’s been fun, I’ll call you sometime” conversation.