I notice that Jack is heading towards the lake and I can’t help but smile. When I was a kid this was the same little lake my dad would take me to feed the birds. Those times were few and far between. He worked so hard to make sure I had everything I could ask for, but it just made it all the sweeter when we would get that time.

There is a small fence stopping you from getting too close to the water now, but back then I used to sit right on the water’s edge, listening to my dad tell me stories of his childhood. I never thought about bringing my own son here one day, I never thought I would have the chance.

We aren’t here to feed the birds or to tell stories from my past. We are here because Jack needed to get me alone. The benches on the side are not the same as when I was young, back then they were rickety wooden things held together by nothing but splinters.

The newer ones are faux wood but made from recycled plastic that was collected in the park a few years ago. It was the first community project I helped out with when I joined the Spears. All the players came out in matching shirts with litter pickers while the press snapped away and asked questions about the environment. At the time, I thought it looked like we were just doing community service, but either way we now have nice, recycled benches for Jack and I to sit on.

“Come on Jack, you’re killing me. What’s wrong?” I try to laugh it off, but my real feelings are starting to show.

“I don’t know where to start,” he tells me, finally meeting my eyes for the first time this afternoon.

“Start where you want, we can always loop back if you need to.” I hope he hasn’t noticed how anxious I am. Perhaps my reaction is putting him more on edge.

“It’s always just been me and mum,” he begins. The words sink in my stomach.

“I’m sorry.” I don’t even know what to say but he shakes his head lightly at me.

“No, I–I like you being around. I just, well I’ve never had a dad and I don’t ask Mum about him because I see how sad she gets.” He goes back to avoiding my eyes.

“Oh Jack, your mom would always answer your questions,” I reassure him. I know Ellis. It might hurt her, but she would do it every time.

“I know, but I like it better when she’s happy, like when she is with you. But it’s just different than before.” He is breaking my heart, I can see that he still hasn’t gotten to his point though, because anxiety is still flowing off him.