On top of it all, I went from being this fun guy in Jack’s life, a cool ice hockey player, to a man he came to for support, looking at me to help his mom. That was when I realised that I might be the first real man in Jack’s life.

I may be getting a daughter in a few months’ time, but that isn’t the only new thing in my life. I have a son now as well. And I think Jack might be accepting me as somewhat of a dad. Surprisingly, it feels good. Better than good. It feels… fulfilling.

Ellis was a little bit slower to come around to letting me support her, but that wasn’t a surprise. Still, seeing her tear-stained cheeks and ashen skin scared me. It’s all I see every time I close my eyes. She looked so helpless and gaunt and I couldn’t make it better. It brought back suppressed memories of similar incidents in college – ones I had perhaps pushed to the back of my mind. I remembered her as that sunshine girl, my sunshine. I had almost forgotten how bad it can truly get. The guilt of not knowing what to do, how to help, was and still is eating me alive.

I’m a protector; at least I believe I am. I am supposed to keep her out of harm’s way. But there was no magic wand I could wave, there was nothing I could throw my money at to make it go away. All I could do was offer her water, food and a hot compress. It wasn’t enough.

One good part of the day, if anything, was my alone time with Jack. Though we’ve had some brief time alone together, it was never to that extent. I loved every second. He is smart and thoughtful, just so much like his mom. He might look like his dad – with dark hair and blue eyes – but every time he speaks, he is his mother’s son through and through.

By the end of the day, I got to read him a bedtime story. For a moment in time, I actually felt like a father. I couldn’t help but feel giddy with excitement about what I have to come.

But then comes the bad part – the part where I had to leave. I thought about camping out on the sofa but it felt like an imposition to stay over without asking Ellis’s permission. I didn’t want her to be uncomfortable waking up with me in her space especially knowing she is going to be drained from her flare.