I want to lose myself in this moment. And I want to enjoy Mum’s smile that has come back strong since I turned my fears into a joke. I think she’d smile even wider if she could see Amy holding my hand.

I don’t blame Mum for wanting something else, now. She lived in the darkness for too long. But, if I didn’t know it would upset her, I’d ask her to take a closer look at our guests.

I thought Amy was the key, then I was sure it was Will—two kids leaving notes and signs and warnings they were too scared to explain. But now I need to solve this the old-fashioned way.

70

Aaron is exhausted by the time he finally goes to bed. Nia tucks him in while Jay and Mum load the dishwasher, and I tidy the house.

When they think no one’s watching, they kiss until Mum giggles. She looks like the photographs she hid for most of my life—twenty years younger and one hundred times happier. She nuzzles into Jay’s shoulder and closes her eyes, and I back away.

“Night,” I say from the hallway, and Mum comes out and hugs me.

“Thank you for tonight,” she says. “It was a lovely idea. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.”

“I think so.”

Mum looks me in the eye. “Did you?”

I nod because it’s easier than saying I only enjoyed certain parts—like Mum’s smile and Amy’s hand on mine.

“I was worried when you disappeared for so long. Were you feeling all right?”

Mum knows me better than anyone. But, if she suspects I did something stupid, she hides it.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Will you be coming back down?” Mum asks.

What she means is: did tonight make me feel better? After a posh meal and a few hours with a girl I like, will I still need to make sure that we’ve locked up?

“Maybe,” I say.

“I understand.”

I’m sorry that the last smile I see is her sympathetic one. I’d rather have gone to bed with the memory of how Mum looks when she’s alone with Jay. But she can’t hide her disappointment that OCD rarely takes a night off.

Nia is stroking Aaron’s hair when I walk past. His breathing is already loud and steady, the late night taking its toll. She turns and smiles, and I smile back.

Whatever she thought of the meal, this is the moment she’ll remember. Nia loves putting Aaron to bed. Tonight she doesn’t go straight to her room. She knocks on my door and whispers, “Well?”

“What?”

Nia grins and shakes her head. “What did you find at Amy’s house?”

“How did you…”

“If Aaron makes you a promise, he won’t tell anyone,” she says, “except me.”

“He didn’t know where I went.”