I thought Logan’s mum was bad because she ignored him. But mine’s a lot worse.

I try to think about Will, but it’s not easy when my head is so full. He usually comes when I’m calm, slipping through the open doors of my dreams. When I need him most, he’s somewhere else.

In the end, it’s not Will who comes, it’s Dad. He unlocks my door and sits on my bed, but he won’t look at me.

“I’m sorry,” I say, and he holds his head and shakes.

I want to touch him, but I’m scared. I have a fake brother, and it feels like I have fake parents too. This isn’t my dad. This is a broken person, and Mum’s a dangerous one, and everything feels wrong.

“I know why you did it,” Dad says. “You had to try. But that’s it, now, Amy. Logan is here to stay.”

“He doesn’t want to be here.”

“He will eventually. And Mum will forgive you if you let her. You just have to play along.”

But this isn’t a game. This is a nightmare.

“You could take him back,” I whisper, even though I already know his answer.

I can see it in his eyes. Mum has won the argument, and Dad will do what she says.

That’s why he stands up and says, “I can’t do that, Amy.” And that’s why he locks the door behind him.

IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII

“You will go to school,” Mum says, “and you will come home. That’s it. If you don’t, I’ll tell the police what you did to your brother. I’ll say it was your fault.”

It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t. It was an accident, but no one saw except me. The truth is inside, but there’s no way to get it out.

Every day I think about telling Nia so she can tell her parents and they can do something about it. But I can’t get Mum’s words out of my head. Everyone will believe her because she’s an adult, and she’s better at lying than I am at telling the truth.

All Nia wants to talk about is her almost baby brother, and it hurts so much. But I can’t cry every time she mentions her mum’s tummy and how you can see it move if you time it right. I can’t hear that without thinking of Will and how, when I put my hand on Mum’s bump, I’d feel something, and she’d say he was high-fiving his big sister.

Those memories used to be magical, but now they sting. Nia still asks if I’m all right because she’s a good friend, and I still tell her I am. But I can see she’s getting annoyed.