But I don’t want to stand around with Amy. I want to do something special. I want to feel like we did when we danced.

It’s the toss of a coin who I ask: heads is Mum and tails is Nia. It’s hard to choose between awkward and hostile.

After best-of-three, I wait until we’re alone, then turn to Mum and say, “If Jay was taking you out tonight, where would you like to go?”

“Is he taking me out?”

“No. Theoretically speaking.”

She looks disappointed, then smirks like she’s caught on. “The cinema’s always a safe bet.”

Except that’s not true. It’s safe when you’re married and you can sit silently next to each other for two hours, but I’d spend the entire time panicking.

Mum looks like she wants to say more, but she doesn’t.

She watches me with a strange expression until I say, “Thanks for that.”

“It doesn’t matter what you do. It’s how you do it.”

I must make a face, because Mum shakes her head and says, “I’m sorry. It’s something I read once.”

She used to buy loads of self-help books, after Gary and before Jay. She hasn’t opened them for a long time, but I guess she still remembers some of the words inside.

I think back to the head-start line and how special it felt sitting there with Amy. Then I think of the courtyard and the cafeteria and Sensorium. Before her, they were ordinary places, but not now.

I hug Mum, and she says, “Oh,” then cuddles me back when I don’t let go.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

42

I said I’d knock for Amy, but she shook her head. “I’ll come to you.”

I’m waiting outside when she arrives, because it’s easier than another awkward family meeting and whatever that was with Nia.

“Where are we going?” she asks, and I hand her two dollars.

“For the bus fare. We’ll get a limo next time.”

She shrugs. “I like the bus.”

I thought this would be weirder than it is. But I’m surprised how calm I feel while we take the trip into town. Amy doesn’t say much. She looks out of the window and points when she sees something interesting, and I hope she likes what I’ve planned.

I keep thinking what Mum said: “It doesn’t matter what you do. It’s how you do it.”

When we get off, Amy looks at me expectantly, and I change my mind because it’s stupid. We could have a hot chocolate instead or look around the shops or get the train somewhere else. But anyone can do that.