She shakes her head. “No. I have to stay focused. There’s no point. I’m joining the military in July.”

I never thought about it that way, but she’s right. If Mae gets into Annapolis, which she will, she’ll be in the navy for the next nine years. Then she’ll be in Houston or wherever astronauts live these days. Russia, maybe. God, that’s far.

It hits me then. I haven’t just lost my parents and Micah. I’ve lost Mae, too. Somehow in all of this, I’d forgotten that there are more goodbyes.

I slide my hand under my pillow, touch the tiny envelope of pills. Later. I will be able to float later.

“Sometimes I … It feels like they’re … here. Sort of. Can you…” I take a breath. “I know you don’t believe in this stuff, but—can you feel them?”

She looks up at me. “Yes.”

I blink. “Really?”

I thought my sister would give me that look. The science one.

She nods. “But I still think that’s just our imaginations playing tricks on us.”

“Where do you think they are now?” I ask.

Mom believed in Something Else. I do, too—I just don’t quite know what it is. It’s the feeling I get when I go to Saint Cecelia’s and light candles with Gram or when we’re doing Kirtan chanting at the yoga studio. Places Something Else lives full-time.

“I think they’re somewhere in Malaysia. Decomposing.” She looks stricken. “Sorry. I just mean—”

I shake my head. “I know what you mean. But you’re wrong. They’re out there—their essence, spirit, something is out there. A knowing thing. A remembering thing.” I rest my palm against the place in the middle of my chest where I feel Something Else. “I think we all have a part of that—in us. Our soul, maybe, or just. I don’t know. Carl Jung called it a collective unconscious. I read that in one of Mom’s books. Like all of humanity has this giant spirit hive mind we can tap into.”

She raises her eyebrows. “I didn’t know you read Jung.”

There’s a lot people don’t know about me. Don’t see. I just shrug. “He’s cool.”

“Stephen Hawking thinks it’s possible we … encrypt ourselves on the universe when we go. I mean, this is a really simplified explanation. He wasn’t able to prove that, though, and now he’s gone. So it’s possible you and Carl Jung are a little correct.”

I roll my eyes. “But only if you can prove it.”

“Well, if you can’t prove it, it’s just a theory. It might be workable, but it’s still not conclusive.”

Sometimes my genius sister can be pretty dense.