Cyn gets that smile, the one that makes her look like the goddess cards on Mom’s altar. “Spirit doesn’t fit in a beaker or a test tube, hija.”

I wish Dad were here. You can’t reason with a coven.

Later, when Nah and I are alone again, I watch Cyn do all the things Mom would do: check to make sure the coffee’s hot, rearrange the food. Discreetly throw out the daisies Mom hates from the flower arrangements people brought.

“I need a drink,” Nah says.

She keeps scratching at her arms, pulling on her hair, like she wants to peel herself off her bones.

I can’t believe we’re here again, so soon.

I look up at her. Wait until she meets my eyes. They flit away, almost immediately. This is a very bad sign. Avoiding eye contact almost always means she’s using.

“Please don’t make me do this on my own, Nah.”

Her skin goes blotchy, a sure sign of an increase in epinephrine. “What the hell does that mean? I’m here, wearing this shitty black dress—”

But Aunt Nora is motioning us over, and I start walking toward the podium. Then I stop. Turn.

My sister stands behind me, motionless. There are enough reasons to cry today. I don’t need to add to them.

I walk back to where she’s frozen still. “I’m sorry.”

It’s possible I am being too hard on her. I need to find a way to speak her language.

“What’s a tarot card for us?” I ask.

Hannah smiles a little. Just a little, but it’s something. She cocks her head to the side. “The Two of Cups. It’s about relationships. Leaning on each other.”

“Okay. Then let’s … Two of Cups the shit out of today.”

She laughs a little. “I can’t believe you just cursed in church.”

“The library understands. It’s a special occasion.” I hold out my hand and she takes it.

“I’m sorry about the playlist,” she says.

“It’s okay. I understand.”

I’d asked Nah to make one of her famous playlists for the slideshow I put together of Mom and Dad. That was going to be her contribution to the funeral. When she’s not on pills, Hannah is the family DJ. She would make Mae Is Stressed About AP Tests playlists that had funny things like the Cookie Monster song on it. Or a Dad Has Physicist Enemies playlist, where it was just all the villain songs from movies. Mom got a playlist called Music Smudgefest after some famous lady came to her studio and was totally awful. Micah got Surfer Boy playlists with songs about the ocean.

But Hannah’s on pills, which means no playlists, not even for today. Opiates aren’t good for creativity. They aren’t good for anything but relieving physical pain and ruining lives.

We walk toward our family.