Jo nods. “It’s true that there’s actually not a lot of great data for the Steps—kind of a problem when everyone’s anonymous, right? And I won’t deny there could be all kinds of ways to stay clean that aren’t being explored. But the Steps worked for me. I’ve seen people do stuff like drink because pills are their problem. But the drinking usually leads back to the pills. We have this saying—fuck, we have a lot of sayings: One is too many and a thousand is never enough. That was true for me.” She sighs. “We’re all on our own journey, but my recommendation is to start with the Steps. Get clean. Get right with yourself and the people you love. Be okay being you without additives, know what I’m saying? Organic, free-range Hannah Winters.”

I smile. “Sounds delicious.”

“It is, man. Tastes better than the inside of a coffin, anyway.”

I stir my soup. “So anything I say to you is … confidential?”

Jo nods. “But I’ll keep it real with you: If you tell me you’re going to try to off yourself again, I’m gonna bring in whoever I need to, to keep you breathing.” She leans her arms on the table. “Your file said someone told your sister where to find you—I’m guessing she and I aren’t the only ones who want to keep you alive.”

“My…” I can’t stop seeing the look on his face when I said that whatever we had, it was done now. “Drew.”

“Your Drew?”

“He was kind of my boyfriend.”

“Was? Ah. The person you think you really love. But broke up with.”

I shrug.

“Does he use?” She must see my hesitation, because she twirls her finger around our booth. “Cone of silence, okay? I’m just trying to get the lay of the land here. I’m not a narc.”

I take a sip of coffee. “He sold to me. At first. But then he was the one who … He tried to get me to quit. He doesn’t deal anymore. He doesn’t use. We only took pills together once, and I’ve never seen him high outside of that one time.”

She blows out a long breath. “I think you know what I’m going to say.”

“You don’t know him. He’s … doing right by the miracle.”

I tell her everything. The whole story. Of me. Starting with Just Hannah. Ending with Mae spending two nights in the hospital before they transferred me to McLean. I tell her about Micah and Drew and the clinic. All of it.

“So you didn’t break up with him because you don’t want to be with him, or because he was part of your drug life,” Jo says. “You broke up with him because you feel like you’re not good enough for him.”