I need another pill.

When I step in the house, Nate shuts the door and then fixes me with a look of pure disgust.

“There is vomit all over your coat. Did you know that?”

I look down. So there is.

“Huh.”

“Is that her?” Aunt Nora calls. She rushes into the room, stares at me. “Where have you been? It’s nearly two in the afternoon!”

“The train.”

“What?”

“I was riding the train,” I say.

She looks at Nate. “Is that a euphemism? Does riding the train mean—”

“No,” he says. “I don’t think so.”

The one she’s thinking of is riding the dragon. But it doesn’t feel like a dragon, Oxy. It feels like a phoenix, maybe. Because, after, you’re just ash.

I pull off the coat, my boots, hat. All in a pile. Water all over the rug. Nice rug.

God, it’s hot in here. Why the hell is it so hot in here? I pull off my sweater.

“I need some water—”

“Tony, get the car,” Aunt Nora’s saying over her shoulder, her voice sharp. She crosses to me, stares at my arms. They are covered in a red rash. “I’m taking you to the ER.”

“What?” I try to pull away, but she has an iron grip. “I’m fine—”

Aunt Nora’s shaking her head. “I can’t believe I didn’t see—”

Mae appears on the stairs, a shadow. “I should have told you sooner.”

At first, I think she’s talking to me, about Micah, about lying to me, but then I see she’s talking to my aunt. Because she told her. About the pills. I stare at my sister.

“You fucking bitch.”

Mae flinches as the words come out of my mouth.

I need a pill. Now. I need a pill, fuck, fuck, fuck.

“I trusted you,” I say. The tears come, fast and hard.

She shakes her head. “No, you didn’t. You don’t. You never told me about getting pills from Drew, or that you wanted to be with him and not Micah. You hid the last postcard Mom and Dad sent us—I found it in your room. You didn’t tell me about anything.”

“Well, now you know why I didn’t trust you, you fucking narc,” I snarl.

“Enough,” Nate says.

“Oh, of course. Defend Mae. She’s your favorite and Dad’s and everyone’s. Of course, of course, because I’m Just Hannah—”

“Just the ONLY SISTER I HAVE.” Mae is shouting. I have never heard this sound from her. It freaks me the fuck out.

“I know you’re on a Class B narcotic right now and it might be challenging to fully comprehend what I am about to tell you,” she says, “but do your best, Hannah: I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE.”

“Well, that makes one of us,” I say.

She stares at me. “You are so unbelievably selfish.”