He doesn’t look any less confused.

‘So, yes,’ I breathe, ‘I’m sorry about the sex. Well, actually I’m not sorry that we had sex, but you pushed me away and I should have left it at that. I’m also sorry that I brought over the burritos.’ That was an unnecessary addition to the apology – why did I say that? ‘Basically, the first thing I need you to know is that – I am not a perfect person. I can be grumpy and quiet. I can be sad and moody. I don’t do the things that I should do. And the things I do, I tend to do quite badly, which is not my intention, it just comes naturally. And I’m sorry if any of my recent actions have hurt you.’

‘Are you done?’

‘No.’ This is going very badly. I look at him. I really do like him. Seeing his face makes me happy. ‘Well, point two is … I like you, and I wanted you to know. You don’t need to say anything.’ I really hope he says something. ‘So if things have been weird between us, and they have, it’s because, well, I like you, and I didn’t know how to tell you. So instead I slept with you, and then avoided you, which only made it worse.’ I finally stop pacing.

‘Are you done now?’

‘Yes.’ I shake my head and then realize that’s the wrong gesture. I nod once.

And then I point my finger into the air.

‘Oh actually, no, I have one more thing!’ I realize my hand is still up, so I slowly put it down. ‘I, erm, I realize that this is a lot. And I’ve also kind of taken your recent silence and general avoidance of me as a sign that you probably don’t know what to say, or don’t want to hurt my feelings. And that’s totally fine. Like I said, you don’t need to say anything. But I wanted you to know how I felt. There is no pressure for you to feel the same. You do you.’

‘Right.’ His hands are on his hips. Like an off-duty superhero. ‘So I think I should clarify some points.’ He’s using a business-like tone. I wonder what that means. I don’t think it can mean anything good.

I wish he’d say nothing and leave, rather than tell me he wants to stay friends.

‘Firstly, I’m not going to Australia. I turned it down. Al’s going instead.’

Fuck bloody balls. This is going to make hiding a lot harder.

‘Secondly, I wasn’t avoiding you. Well, I was to start with because I didn’t know what to say. And then I was accidentally avoiding you because I had to go to Australia to smooth over the fact I was no longer going to Australia. It was very last-minute and I forgot my phone and it was an extremely busy couple of weeks. For that I apologize, but what I have to say I need to say in person anyway. And then when I got back I tried to get hold of you. I’ve been going round to your apartment so much that the old lady next door threatened to call the police if I came by again. I came to your work, I even tried to hunt you down at a Christmas fair, but you weren’t there either.’