Was I a single mum now? I took a deep breath in an attempt to hold back my tears. Not right now. I had to think.

Still on automatic, I went to the bedroom, and pulled out the spare baby-change bag. I needed some time to get my head around what to do next. I began filling it with a few essentials: the big muslin, a couple of babygrows, some nappies and a pack of wipes; and then for myself, a couple of spare tops, my skincare products, a hairbrush, and a few pairs of knickers. Then I moved to the kitchen and loaded up on baby bottles, formula, the sterliser and some Tupperware containers useful for any eventuality. Travelling with Tupperware would at least give me some comfort. Even in the face of earth-shattering news, Joni would still need taking care of, so certain aspects of life had to carry on as normal.

Suddenly I felt unsteady on my feet. I had barely eaten all day – my hope that Jason planned to take me for lunch laughable now. The optimism I had felt was a joke. God, I felt so stupid. My phone pinged and a message appeared on the Baby Group thread. It was from Will – a picture of a dribble bib and a caption:

Missing in action. Does this belong to any of you? It was left at the pottery shop. Thanks for coming along. Hope the gifts go down well! Wx

I recognized the bib as belonging to Albie, but wondered whether Lucy would respond; whether she had any idea that I knew and, if so, if she felt any remorse for the hurt she had caused. The thought of her and Jason in collusion made me feel like throwing up. I realized my hands were trembling as I held the phone. The Baby Group were the last people I wanted to see or hear from. I doubted whether I would ever be able to see them again, especially Lucy, after what she had done to me. I had unwittingly found myself at the centre of a storyline even a writer on a soap opera might find a little far-fetched.

My mind wandered back to the day I told Jason I was pregnant, when I turned up at his office because I couldn’t reach him on the phone; how he had sobbed, it was almost uncontrollable. I went over and over that memory for clues. I wished I hadn’t buried my suspicions that something wasn’t right. Maybe if I had put Jason on the spot, or given him an opportunity to open up, he would have told me everything. I wished he had. I wondered how Jason had been able to live with himself for so long, and especially that day, when it should have been momentous for us, finally finding out we were having a baby. I thought of all the times Jason and Lucy had come into contact with each other. Jason’s offish behaviour when he left the Baby Group sessions made perfect sense now. Knowing what an enormous secret they shared not only made me feel sick – but such a pitiful fool.