Then a really terrifying thought hit me: perhaps Aisha would want to confront me. Every time the doorbell rang, my heart rate sped up and I peered through the security camera, wondering if it was her, come to let rip. Once or twice I’d seen a stranger standing on the doorstep and hadn’t opened the door, worried that she or Jason had sent someone to confront me on their behalf. I missed a couple of Amazon deliveries as a result.

I began to live in fear of what would happen next and it sent a feeling of perpetual sickness through my body. I felt anxious most of the time, but was becoming adept at hiding it. Conversely, during the past two days, when I had successfully managed to internalize, things were better between Oscar and me, and he was back staying in the house every night. The only difference he did pick up on was that I had lost my appetite and the desire to cook. Personally, I wasn’t too worried about this side effect because it finally gave me the opportunity to drop some of the postpartum pounds I was having trouble shifting. But my disinterest in food began to be noticed by Oscar and one evening he cottoned on to something.

‘I’m thinking of making a noodle stir-fry for dinner tonight, but are you still on a diet?’ he called out, wok in hand, as I sat in an armchair giving Albie his bedtime bottle. ‘You should eat properly you know – you need the energy.’

‘I had a massive sandwich as a late lunch,’ I replied. It wasn’t true. But didn’t everyone have secrets, tell little white lies to cover up the truth sometimes? It had become second nature to me.

‘Where did you go?’ he asked.

‘What?’

‘To eat,’ he said, ‘Where did you go to eat the sandwich?’

I looked at him blankly.

‘Earth to Lucy… Is there anybody in there?’

‘I was here,’ I answered breezily.

‘Where did you hide all the bread then?’ he retorted, opening the lid to the bread bin and finding nothing inside it. ‘I’ll just have a sandwich myself, if you’re not eating with me.’

‘Sorry, I must have finished it,’ I said.

He fixed his eyes on me. He knew I was lying; that I was up to something.

‘Lucy—’ he started.

I stared down. ‘I need to put Albie to bed. Let’s talk after that. Perhaps you could pour us a glass of wine each?’

I knew I needed to let Oscar in, but I was so scared it would end up with us having a fight – and worst case, that he would leave us. He would be flabbergasted by this news.

Once Albie had drifted off to sleep, I stayed in the nursery, sitting in the darkness on the bench seat by his cot for a while. The rhythmic sound of his breathing soothed me. I knew my behaviour must seem strange to Oscar; I’d practically become a recluse. Perhaps I hadn’t been hiding things as well as I thought. But I needed him now, more than ever.