We reluctantly make our way to the stage, with all the other couples. I finally notice Daniel and Eva. They might not know each other all that well, but it’s bound to be more than Freddie and I know one another. Why couldn’t it have been something I’m better than them at, like comma placement or not being an adulterer?

Matteo removes a large red velvet sheet to reveal a box. It’s sort of like a wide telephone box, divided in two with a little window at the top. It’s all red and sparkly, which makes me think it is made for purpose. In which case, they really do take this seriously.

‘So, for the first round, we’re going to find out just how well our couples know each other – the ultimate test in any relationship. For some rounds you need to be strong, but for this one, your relationship needs to be ironclad. Couples will sit in separate sections of the booth, with one person answering questions about the other. If the answers on the cards match, it’s a point. It’s time to see who is hopelessly in love, and who is just plain hopeless…’

Freddie and I watch the first few couples go through the questions and answers. It’s incredible, just how many couples get the answers wrong for some of the most simple-sounding questions. And these are real couples, not fake ones who have only known each other a few days.

Next up, it’s Daniel and Eva. The two of them take their seats in the booth, with Eva opting to answer questions about Daniel. That makes sense; Daniel is so self-involved, I doubt he’s ever asked her a personal question.

‘Question one,’ Zoey starts. ‘What colour is your partner’s eyes?’

Well, that one is easy: his eyes are brown. You don’t need to know Daniel all that well to know that one – even Freddie could’ve answered that one about him.

‘And your answer,’ Zoe prompts Eva.

Eva holds up her dry-wipe board. She’s written ‘brown’ on it, in impossibly swirly, girly handwriting. She bites her lip as she waits to hear if she’s right.

‘And your answer,’ she says to Daniel.

Daniel flips his board around to reveal that she has the right answer.

The audience dutifully applauds, as they do to each question that is answered correctly. Oh, she knows what colour his eyes are, big whoop.

‘Question two,’ Zoey continues. ‘What does your partner keep on their bedside table?’

‘Obviously I know this one,’ I tell Freddie, under my breath. ‘Because it’s my bedroom too. He has this moon that lights up.’

My side of the bed is messy. I always have a couple of books on the go, squashed on there with my light, my chargers, and whatever I’ve left on there like lip balm or a water bottle. Daniel’s side is always tidy – the only thing on his bedside table is his moon lamp.

Eva lifts up her board, which says ‘moon’ on it, and I feel as if I’ve been punched in the face. Freddie wraps a supportive around me, which I appreciate more than he can imagine. I feel as if I’m going to pass out.