‘I was stood there, waiting for you to walk down the aisle. The music played, the bridesmaids walked down the aisle, everyone took their places. “Here Comes the Bride” started playing, but no bride came.’

‘Ali said she’d told you,’ I reply.

‘She told me eventually. But first, she let me worry. She acted like she had no idea where you were, told me you were right behind her moments ago. She knew how worried I was and she just let me panic… until she announced, in front of everyone, that you weren’t coming. When I asked why she told everyone that I was having an affair with Eva – she named her! She pointed her out!’

Man, that sounds like Ali.

‘Oh, my God, Daniel, Eva, I’m so sorry, that must’ve been a pretty sucky day for you. If it’s any consolation…’ I raise my voice ‘… it was worse for me!’

‘Lila, she called me out in front of my family. My parents, my gran! She called poor Eva a slut in front of everyone – she burst into tears.’

I shrug. Probably don’t shag other people’s fiancés, if you’re such a delicate little flower you can’t handle the fallout. The same goes for Daniel. I imagine it was horrible, for his gran to hear what he did, and to find out like that, but if he hadn’t done it, it wouldn’t have happened. They were playing a dangerous game. They asked for this. Both of them.

Absolutely unbelievable that he has the balls on him to bring his bit on the side on our honeymoon, and then have a go at me because it was embarrassing when people found out.

‘I was still going to marry you,’ he says. Eva doesn’t even flinch at this remark; she just stands there, smug, like the cat that got the cream.

‘Why, though?’ I ask.

‘Gorgeous, you wanna go for a swim? The water is great,’ Freddie says to me as he walks in from the terrace, through the backdoor that Daniel and Eva must have opened.

What the hell?

Freddie appears to be wearing nothing but a towel. He’s all wet, as if maybe he just stepped out of the shower. He walks over to us and, when he reaches me, he kisses me on the cheek.

I just stare at him as he runs a hand through his wet, shaggy hair. I swear to God he flexes his biceps as he does so, and not in a natural way – he’s literally flexing on everyone in the room.

Daniel looks as taken aback by this as I feel. Eva looks positively dumbstruck.

‘Who are your friends, gorgeous?’ Freddie asks me.

I realise that he’s talking to me, but I have no idea what he’s talking about. Christ, he must be some sort of sociopath. He’s acting as if we’re a couple or something – and it seems as if he really believes it. I know I haven’t been a single girl in a long time, but I didn’t realise that giving a man a bag of crisps meant you were a thing. The rules have clearly changed a lot since the last time I played the dating game.