The previous titleholder of my entirely fictitious best bath awards was the one in our hotel room when we went to Thailand on holiday last year. Well, I say it was in our hotel room – it was actually on the balcony outside, which was just so surreal. It was as if you knew you were sitting in a bath, but you could feel the heat of the sun, and look out over the view, which boasted trees for days.

It was such a gorgeous holiday; I had such an amazing time. Until we got home, actually, now that I think about it.

We landed back in England late afternoon, which meant it was evening by the time we were home. We were so jet-lagged, I don’t think I’ve ever felt exhaustion like it. I just wanted to go home and go to bed, but Eva was having a birthday gathering at her flat, and Daniel said we had to go. I made a case for not going, said we weren’t that close, that she wouldn’t care if we weren’t there. Now all I can think about is whether they were carrying on back then, and if that’s why he insisted we go. I just can’t stop thinking about every single time I’ve seen them in a room together, trying to recall their body language or the conversations they would have. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them interact, not properly. I’ve seen them exchange polite hellos and goodbyes, but that’s it. And now I realise how weird that is.

The only thing worse than me trying to picture what they were like when we were all together, is when I start picturing them together when I wasn’t there. They must have been getting together so often when I wasn’t around. I’m not even sure when he could’ve been spending time with her – I honestly never felt as if he wasn’t there. He’d go to work, he’d play golf… I suppose Eva could’ve chipped into his golf time, which he deserves some credit for. The man who plays the world’s most boring sport managed to find something even more boring to do instead – Eva. Daniel thinks he’s so smart, and perhaps he is, to have found a way to do whatever he wanted while I blindly trusted him, but Eva is such a bimbo. What did they actually do, when they spent time together? What did they talk about? They probably just had sex, didn’t they? Which makes me feel sick to my stomach. It’s not as if he wasn’t having sex with me, so he must’ve been finding the time to have sex with both of us. Eva wasn’t just cutting into his golf time, she was cutting into his me time too. All those times he came home too tired to have sex, and I never suspected a damn thing. I feel like an idiot.

As my stress levels creep back up, I have another sip of champagne and squeeze even more of the yummy, fig-scented complimentary bubble bath into the water.