Fionn requests a one-on-one session with me and they agree. We talk. I tell him what has happened with Andriu. Which made me hate Tara and my life. I even tell him about the threatening text I received the week after Tara’s mam died. We talk for over an hour.

It feels good. For the first time I am communicating for real. Not interpreting my life but seeing it for what it is and accepting what has happened. I don’t want to soak in my past any longer. I want to stop drinking, to be a doctor again. I tell Fionn I am ready to commit if they’ll still have me. That is the easy bit.

The hard bit goes on behind the door while I wait outside. It doesn’t take too long though. Fionn must have recognized my epiphany wasn’t fake because after about twenty minutes I am called back into the room. The decision is made. I will be given one more chance. And one more chance is all I need to get my life back.

Chapter Fifty-Six

A few hours later I’m summoned to the same room but this time Detective Lee is sitting on a chair at the far side of the room when I step inside. She points to the sofa opposite for me to sit down. Today she’s wearing her hair differently. It’s rolled up at the back of her head but her face is still framed in red wispy stray bits. She’s wearing dark trousers, a big woolly jumper with what looks like a snowflake pattern across the front of it and a rain jacket which she removes when I enter the room.

Scratching my arms through my long sleeved T-shirt, I sit down, thinking that the heat in this room is going to roast her. Detective Mullins, her partner, is sitting on a low stool beside her. He shifts awkwardly because his legs are far too long for the stool and his knees are almost reaching his face. He looks like her elf.

After a few more unsuccessful moves to make the stool work he must realise how stupid he looks because he stands up. Then walks to the wall where he takes out his notebook. Mullins rests his foot up against the wall behind him.

When I see him do that, it reminds me of the day I met Tara. How she copied me when I had my foot up resting against the wall. I swallow. My heart sinks when I consider the damage I’ve done. How could I have thought that badly of Tara, believing that she would sleep with my boyfriend? Why didn’t I have faith in our friendship? I should have at least asked her if it was true but I was so upset and with Andriu gone I decided to hate her instead.