She holds her grip on the container a second longer than she needs to, making me pull it from her. My heart is sending panic waves throughout my body.

She knows. Did she find the bag or did she send the sample to the lab? They do that sometimes. They don’t believe their own little strip of telltale paper so they send it out to have it analysed. Shit, one way or the other I am in trouble.

I’m about to close the door when she puts her foot out to stop me like a prison warden. It’s hard to believe this treatment costs ten thousand euros a month.

‘Leave the door open,’ she says.

‘But—’

‘Open.’ She almost growls the word.

My hands are trembling now. If I give her a sample, she’ll know I was drinking at the weekend. Which means I’ll be thrown out. Or at the very least, with a bit of begging, I might get off with just losing my weekend privileges. One way or the other, my father will find out. Everything I thought was within my reach earlier today is being pulled further away from me. Discovering the truth about Andriu and Tara had released me from the chains of my past. Erased the nightmare I was living with and brought me hope that I might be able to commit to this treatment. But now…

‘Is there a problem?’ she says, noticing my delay.

‘No, I just don’t need to pee yet.’ I look up at the vent. I should not have done that because then she looks up at the vent. I have confirmed her suspicions.

‘It’s not there,’ she says.

‘What… what’s not there?’ My throat is so dry my voice cracks.

‘This.’

Catherine holds up the Ziploc bag that I had hidden in the vent. Out of nowhere a strange feeling cascades through me. Like someone has pulled a plug and drained all the fear out of me. I don’t care that I’ve been caught. It’s almost a relief.

I look down, scuffing my foot backwards and forwards across the cold tiled floor before lifting my head.

‘Yes. It’s mine. I did that.’

The next breath to enter my body is slow and deep and brings with it a sense of peace.

The following two hours are touch and go. There’s a meeting between Fionn and Catherine and Margaret, the head coordinator of the facility. I was called in to make my appeal to be allowed to remain at the clinic. I said very little. I was sorry. I wouldn’t do it again. I was ready to commit to the programme. I didn’t think I held much power over their decision so I didn’t say anything else.